I would greatly appreciate if someone could correct these two essay's paragraphs . Firstly, as the real life can easily show us, the celebritie's life could not seem as wonderful as it supposed to be.

Carlos Doria Santos

I would greatly appreciate if someone could correct these two essay's paragraphs . Firstly, as the real life can easily show us, the celebritie's life could not seem as wonderful as it supposed to be. Whitney Houston plays a good example here, one of the most prestigious and wealthy singers of the last two generations apparently won't be able to build the same success in her private life. Know for several drugs interventions and terrifying apparitions, Whitney end up dead in a tube of a Hotel two years ago after a brillant professional career but a self destructive personal life.Thus, it makes clear that in many cases, wealthy and extremely popularity moves in tandem with depression and lonely feelings. Secondly, the oldest people emphatically says that if they could back in the time, one of the things they would like to change is spent more time with their family and friends plus do not value as much money as the people.It is supported by a research made by scientists of University of Sao Paulo in 2013, the prospect shows that 35 % of people who used to work more than 10 hours a day, getting on his 60 years with some kind of medical issues, like high blood pressure, diabet among others, whereas 10% who usually worked for 8 hours a day get some sort of sickness

Nov 20, 2014 9:13 PM

Corrections · 1

I would greatly appreciate if someone could correct these two essay's paragraphs .

Firstly:

As the real life can easily show us, the a celebritie's celebrities life could may not seem as wonderful as it is supposed to be, Whitney Houston plays is a good example here. One of the most prestigious and wealthy singers of the last two generations , she apparently won't wasn't be able to build the same success in her private life. Known for several drugs interventions and terrifying (apparitions) ??? Whitney ended up dead in a tub in a hotel two years ago.after She had a brillant professional career but a self destructive personal life.Thus, it makes it clear that in many cases, wealth and extreme popularity move in tandem with depression and lonely feelings.

Secondly,

Elderly people emphatically say that if they could go back in the time, one of the things they would like to change is to spend more time with their family and friends plus do not value money more than people. It is supported by research made by scientists at The University of Sao Paulo in 2013. The research shows that 35 % of people who used to work more than 10 hours a day, aged 60 years and over have some kind of medical issues, like high blood pressure, diabetes and others, whereas only 10% who usually worked for 8 hours a day do.

Hi, You have a lot of mistakes so read carefully through the corrected text. Some parts didn't make sense in English.

cheers santiago

December 17, 2014

Want to progress faster?

Join this learning community and try out free exercises!