Couples Day (3)

Then my mind traveled back to whenthe time our son and his wife came and took us out for a nice dinner to celebrate Mother's Day a few weeks ago. Looking at Watching our son and daughter-in-law holding hands andwhile walking ahead of us atin the parking lot, my husband said, "Do they really have to do that in public?" To his conservative eye it was lovely yet uncomfortable, while many young couples nowadays don't feel the need to restrain themselves from displaying affection in public, not to mention in front of their elders. "What is so wrong with that?" I mustered up my courage and extended my hand saying, "how about we try it,too?" Without waiting for his answer I locked my arm in his. Abashed at my initiation out in the open space, looking far more embarrassed in the presence of our daughter-in-law he furtively and slowly pushed my arm away. I felt ashamed. My pride as a woman juxtaposed with my daughter-in-law's was hurt . One may not be young, but one can be young at heart. I felt bitter that he was indifferent and inconsiderate to what was in his wife's heart after all thatthose years together as a couple.

This is beautifully written! Great job!

Couples Day (3)

Then my mind traveled to when our son and his wife came and took us out for a nice dinner to celebrate Mother's Day a few weeks ago.

     Then my mind traveled back a few weeks ago. Our son and his wife took us out for a nice dinner to celebrate Mother's Day. Looking at our son and daughter-in-law them holding hands and walking ahead of us at the parking lot my husband said, "Do they really have to that in public?" They walked ahead of us in the parking lot holding hands.

     My husband turned to me and said, "Do they really have to do that in public?" While lovely, to his conservative eye it was lovely yet uncomfortable while many young couples nowadays don't feel the need to restrain themselves from displaying affection in public, not to mention in front of their elders. Young couples nowadays don't feel the need to restrain themselves in public, not to mention in front of their elders. 

     "What is so wrong with that?" I mustered up my some courage and extended my hand saying, "How about we try it, too?" Without waiting for his answer I locked my arm in his. Abashed at my initiation audacity in open space, looking far more embarrassed in the presence of our daughter-in-law he furtively and slowly pushed my arm away. I felt ashamed. My pride, juxtaposed with my daughter's, was hurt as a woman juxtaposed with my daughter-in-law's was hurt . One I may not be young, but one I can be young at heart. I felt bitter. that he was He was so indifferent and inconsiderate to me, his wife. Didn't he know what was in my heart after all these years of being married? to what was in his wife's heart after all that years together as a couple.

Nice! A few things: don't state the obvious. In the parking lot watcing your daughter-in-law hold hands with your son, you don't have to say, "Looking at ... ". We, the readers, know you are watching them. 

Don't think that your readers are stupid ;) We will be able to figure out what is going on. So, don't give us the obvious details like watching your son and his girlfriend. Tell us the details we won't guess, like how your husband "furtively and slowly" pushed your arm away. That was a good moment.

Keep the sentences simple. It is good that you vary the length of your sentences. The last part is really good and has great rhythm to it: 

     My pride was hurt.  I may not be young, but I can be young at heart. I felt bitter. He was so indifferent and inconsiderate to me, his wife. Didn't he know what was in my heart after all these years of being married?

Very nice moment there. I'm beginning to like these characters ;)