[Deleted]
My Bicycle I had a very sweet childhood, I loved the outdoors especially in spring, my 2 best friends & I used to bring our dolls & the tea set & play with them in our garden, pretending we’re grown-ups already & visiting each other as our mothers do. At the age of 8, my father gifted my older brother a bicycle & gave me another doll with her small house! But the bicycle is what I wanted even it was taller than me, so for sure it wasn’t for my age. Yet I woke up one day earlier than others & decided to try it. I did fall several times, but I was okay because no one saw me falling in that early hour. I remember that amazing moment when I made it & the bicycle moved 5 meters around the garden before I fall, it was the best feeling, and I felt I’m unbeatable. I didn’t stop riding that bicycle, for some reason my brother didn’t like his gift. So I was riding it freely until my father gifted me my own bicycle on my birthday 2 years after. I can’t tell you enough words how beautiful that bicycle was & it was the most important thing I own.
Nov 26, 2014 12:03 PM
Corrections · 9
1

My Bicycle

I had a very sweet childhood, I loved the outdoors especially in spring, my 2 best friends & I used to bring our dolls & the tea set & play with them in our garden, pretending we’re grown-ups already & visiting each other as our mothers do.

At the age of 8, my father gifted my older brother a bicycle & gave me another doll with her small house! But the bicycle is what I wanted even though it was taller than me, so for sure it wasn’t for my age. Yet I woke up one day earlier than others & decided to try it. I did faell several times, but I was okay because no one saw me falling in that early hour. I remember that amazing moment when I made it & the bicycle moved 5 meters around the garden before I faell, it was the best feeling, and I felt I’m that I was unbeatable.

I didn’t stop riding that bicycle, for some reason my brother didn’t like his gift. So I was riding it freely until my father gifted me my own bicycle on my birthday 2 years after. I can’t tell you in enough words how beautiful that bicycle was & it was the most important thing I owned.

 

Great job, keep up the good work. Very understandable and you are at a high proficiency level of English. ~Ian

 

November 26, 2014
1

My Bicycle.

I had a very sweet childhood. I specially loved the outdoors in spring. My two best friends & I used to bring our dolls & the tea set & play with them in our garden, pretending we were already grown-ups & visiting each other as our mothers used to do.

At the age of 8, my father gifted my older brother a bicycle & he gave me another doll with her small house! But the bicycle is what I wanted even it was bigger than me. Sure that it wasn’t for my age yet. One day I woke up earlier than others & I decided to try it. I fell down several times but I was okay because no one saw me falling in that early hour. I remember that amazing moment when I made it & the bicycle moved 5 meters around the garden before I fall. It was the best feeling and then I could feel that  I was unbeatable.

I didn’t stop riding that bicycle and that is one of the reasons why my brother didn’t like his gift. So I freely went on riding it until, two years later, my father gifted me my own bicycle on my birthday. I don't get enough words to say how beautiful that bicycle was & it was the most important thing I owned.

November 26, 2014
Another member just said the same to me when he corrected me, thanks Zoe for pointing that out:)
November 28, 2014
If you're writing a story like this, you should put "and" instead of "&". We only use "&" for informal things like texts and notes.
November 27, 2014
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