The Victim I'm on the corner of the subway surrounded by people, looking discreetly for my next victim, while in my mind review my plan. Suddenly on the other corner I see my victim. This time I pic

Barbara

The Victim I'm on the corner of the subway surrounded by people, looking discreetly for my next victim, while in my mind review my plan. Suddenly on the other corner I see my victim. This time I pick out a well dressed man, half asleep, he ignorant of what is about to happen to him. "You are going to be my victim" I say to myself. We look at each other and then I attack him. "Hi" I say to him while I walk to the doors, "what've you been up to?" "Long time no see!" . He look at me confused. The doors close and I see with satisfaction the doubt on his face. "Poor man" I say to myself. He is going to spend all the day thinking about who was that person who said to him "Hi". And I can't wait until to tomorrow for my next victim.

Nov 27, 2014 4:57 PM

Corrections · 7

The Victim

I'm on the corner of the subway surrounded by people, looking discreetly for my next victim, while, in my mind, I review my plan. (This is ok in this order with the addition of the comas ad the word I, but I would word it ... while I review my plan in my my mind)
Suddenly, on the other corner I see my victim. This time I pick out a well dressed man, half asleep, he ignorant of what is about to happen to him. "You are going to be my victim" I say to myself.
We look at each other and then I attack him. "Hi" I say to him while I walk to (I would say towards) the doors, "What've you been up to?" "Long time no see!". He looks at me confused. The doors close and I see with satisfaction the doubt on his face.
"Poor man" I say to myself. He is going to spend all the day thinking about who was that person was who said to him "Hi" to him. And I can't wait until to tomorrow for my next victim.