About Criticism

"Can't you really look carefully into it? I asked you to arrange my papers one a 1* month ago, but you told didn't tell me one of my works was missing until right before the day I need to submit them!..." Mr.Angry shouted on the phone rudely , without any manners, to my friend and I, who were both worked working as a research assistants for him.

It was in the a critical moment of Mr.Angry's associate professor's life, because, if without provided 2* there weren't any accidents, he would be promoted to a professor position of professor at the end of this the 3* year. This is a both exciting and frightening fact for him. His temperamental and feisty nature made it hard for him to even fall get to asleep before the "doomed day".

He cared so much about it and asked my friend Sherry and I, two of his most trusted assistants, to help him arrange all the materials for the submission. However, on that night, we were not able to find one of his important writings on the bookshelf where he usually put it. One of the biggest mistakes we made was that we phoned him before carefully going through every corner of the bookshelf. In the end, the "lost" writing turned out to be hidden under the large pile of his papers.

When we phoned him again, telling him that we had found it, it was only twenty minutes after we had told him we had lost it. However, he was already on the way back from his home to the office, on the a cold and windy night, filled with anger and rage.

"Neither of you is  are allowed to go!" still shouted Mr.Angry, on the phone.

He had never shouted to at girls before. But this time, it is obviously different. We were scolded at last, for being careless.

I was very angry too, but Mr.Angry was even more4* furious. The nature of both Sherry and I didn't allow us to answer back either. We apologized, listened to his scoldings, admitted our mistakes and spent a miserable night.

The discussions on who was to blame will would be simply futile. Instead, this accident triggered my thinking on criticism and its possible consequences.

In my mind, a good leader should at least remain calm before after accidents; blind and furious scoldings won't be a wise choice because it simply cast a bone between you and your staff. However, the good thing of any type of criticism is that it let you know what can be improved. If it is right, learn from it; if wrong, remind yourself to avoid the same mistake.

However, after all, I haven't really learned the art of criticising others or accepting criticism.

Thank you.

1* 'One' is ok and native speakers can use it but it is more usual to use 'a' and non-native speakers tend to use 'one' - eg. Wait one moment/ a moment , I have one problem,/ I have a problem, we stayed one week / we stayed a week, etc.

2* you can use 'provided to' indicate that it was unlikely.

3* the story is a bit abiguous about whether it is recent or further in the past, so 'that' adapted more to the abiguous case.

4* you could give the same meaning with "I was very angry too, but Mr.Angry was absolutely furious."

<em>Althoug I hope this gives you an alternative correction I think Nathan's expressions are excellent suggestions.</em>

Comments on tenses-

2 past simple -<em>Mr.Angry shouted on the phone, without any manners, to my friend and I, who both worked as a research assistant for him.</em>

Doesn't really show the relationship between the 2 pasts.

Past continuous would indicate that one was a state when the other occured:

Mr.Angry shouted on the phone, without any manners, to my friend and I, who both<em> were working</em> as  research assistants for him.

or maybe past perfect continuous to explain the preceding situation:

Mr.Angry shouted on the phone, without any manners, to my friend and I, who both had been working as research assistants for him.

and in

He cared so much about it and asked my friend Sherry and I, two of his most trusted assistants, to help him arrange all the materials for the submission.

You can sequence the time more with:

He cared so much about it and had asked my friend Sherry and I, two of his most trusted assistants, to help him arrange all the materials for the submission.

Some of the pasts are reported speech:

When we phoned him again, telling him that we found it, it was only twenty minutes after we told him we lost it.

could be:

When we phoned him again, telling him that we had found it, it was only twenty minutes after we had told him we had lost it.

Just using past simple usually indicates a sequence of events. So your sentence :

<em>We apologized, listened to his scoldings, admitted our mistakes and spent a miserable night.</em> -is perfect.

About Criticism

"Can't you look into it really carefully? I asked you to arrange my papers one month ago, but you told me one of my works was missing right before the day I need to submit them!..." Mr.Angry shouted on the phone, without any manners, to my friend and I, who both work as research assistants for him.

This is a critical moment in Mr.Angry's life as an associate professor, because, barring any accidents (you could also say, unforeseen circumstances), he will be promoted to a professor position at the end of this year. This is both an exciting and frightening fact for him. His temperamental and feisty nature make it hard for him to even fall asleep before "doomsday". (This essay changes between past and present tense. The changes I've made put it all in present tense. In most cases, the time perspective of an essay should stay consistent)

He cared so much about it that he asked my friend Sherry and me (The person being asked is the object, so this should be 'me' rather than 'I'), two of his most trusted assistants, to help him arrange all the materials for the submission. However, that night, we were not able to find one of his important writings on the bookshelf where he usually put it. One of the biggest mistakes we made was that we phoned him before carefully going through every corner of the bookshelf. In the end, the "lost" writing turned out to be hidden under the large pile of his papers.

When we phoned him again, telling him that we found it, it was only twenty minutes after we told him we lost it. However, he was already on the way to the office from his home, on a cold and windy night, filled with anger and rage.

"Neither of you is allowed to go!" shouted Mr.Angry, still on the phone.

He has never shouted at girls before. But this time, it was obviously different. We were scolded at last, for being careless.

I was very angry too, but Mr.Angry was furious (This does not need the word even. In English, you can say, "I was angry, but he was furious," in this case, it is implied that he is "even more angry"). Both Sherry's personal nature and mine didn't allow us to answer back either. (A better way to say this might be, "Both Sherry's personality and mine are similar, and neither of us wished to argue with him.) We apologized, listened to his scolding, admitted our mistakes and spent a miserable night.

Discussions of who was to blame are simply futile. Instead, this incident triggered some personal thoughts on criticism and its possible consequences.

In my mind, a good leader should at least remain calm in the face of unexpected mistakes; blind and furious scolding is not a wise choice because it simply creates a bone of contention between you and your staff. However, the good thing about any type of criticism is that it lets you know what can be improved. If the criticism is right, learn from it; if wrong, remind yourself to avoid the same mistake.

However, in the end, I haven't really learned the art of criticising others or accepting criticism.

Thank you.

Good job Kailin, very descriptive!