second part of my writing My future boss called me because she saw that I were honored scholarship from Bank by writing research paper about payment cards industry in Kazakhstan and its future. My res

Amir Tenizbayev

second part of my writing My future boss called me because she saw that I were honored scholarship from Bank by writing research paper about payment cards industry in Kazakhstan and its future. My research work took first place and I receive a check with my scholarship. And that work allowed me to be trainee at the Central Branch of the Bank at my third year of education in university. I worked in Bank when I receive advertisement about free vacancy at main branch of Bank. I send all copies of my documents and receive a call from HR Department which call me to come and take part in a meeting with the CEO of Bank name of the CEO. At that meeting Name of the CEO asked me question about my English level, and give advice to learn it very well. After meeting with him my life was changed- I were moved to Private Landing Department of Bank. I worked there for eight month and make a decision that I must learn something new. After that decision I worked in many places as person whom responsibilities were sales. After I go out from Bank I get work at Bank, but soon realize that I cannot live for this salary and I go out from work to find better one. Next place for work were company where my responsibilities were selling metal pipes for construction sector of Kazakhstan. But still salary was low, and I had no money for learning English. At one of trainings for sales personal I receive offer to work as a project manager for Company name, where my responsibilities were selling products of Company Name and Company Name equipment. Situation with the salary were still bad, and I decided to return to bank industry. Now I working as a leading expert in card unit of Bank here in Astana, my responsibilities are make find new clients, produce VISA payment cards, and deliver excellent customer service to our clients.

Dec 17, 2014 11:09 AM

Corrections · 3

Second part of my writing:

My future boss called me because she saw that I won a scholarship from a bank by writing a research paper about the payment cards industry in Kazakhstan and its' future. My research work took first place and I receive a check with my scholarship. And that work allowed me to be a trainee at the Central Branch of the Bank during my third year of education at university.
I was working in the bank when I received an advertisement about a free vacancy at the main branch of the bank. I sent all copies of my documents and received a call from the HR Department which called me to come and take part in a meeting with the CEO of the bank . At that meeting the CEO asked me questions about my English level, and gave advice on how to learn it very well. After meeting with him my life was changed- I were moved to the Private Landing Department of the bank. I worked there for eight month and then made a decision that I must learn something new.

After that decision I worked in many places as a salesperson. After I left the bank I got work at another bank but soon realized that I cannot live on this salary and I lft to find better work Next place was a company where my responsibilities were selling metal pipes for the construction sector of Kazakhstan. But still the salary was low, and I had no money for learning English.

At one of the trainings for sales personal I received an offer to work as a project manager . The situation with the salary were still bad, and I decided to return to the banking industry. Now I am working as a leading expert the in the card unit of a bank here in Astana, my responsibilities are to find new clients, issue VISA payment cards, and deliver excellent customer service to our clients.

1 Well done. Just remember that the word "bank" doesn't have a capital letter in English.

2 Watch for "a" and " the". I have a new job.

3 Your tenses. The above should all be in the past tense except the last sentence. Now I am working.... present tense.

December 17, 2014

You can say, "but still the salary was low." That's fine. Santiago should have used the singular "the situation... was bad," not "the situation were bad." Also, you were correct to write "its" with no apostrophe -- that's the correct spelling for the possessive pronoun.

December 20, 2014

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