Surveillance Cameras

Hi everyone

If there is anyone on here who can check my entry and correct the mistake that I have maybe made, I'll be so thankful :)
Also I'd like to receive your opinions about my entry and the topic - do you believe surveillance cameras should be placed to increase public safety on city streets and in parks?

Thank you all in advance.

My entry:

I believe that placing surveillance cameras on city streets and in parks to increase public safety would be a wrong step (<em>alternatives: a wrong decision, a step in the wrong direction</em>).

Firstly, our liberty is an all-important right that we should preserve.
Placing those cameras (<em>alternatives : this kind of camera, such cameras, surveillance cameras</em>) would be a measure against our freedom (<em>better alternative : would restrict our freedom). </em>
Once we know we are being watched, we won't any longer be freed (<em>or : feel free</em>) any longer to keep on with our routine,.(<em>alternative: go about our ordinary business / activities</em>) 

Secondly, watching civilians in their everyday lives and scrutinizing their deeds (<em>alternative : actions</em>), may destroy the trust between the authorities and the residents. citizens.
The last latter would probably feel that their privacy had been invaded. The regime may cause them to feel that they are not trustworthy in the eyes of the government, which may, in turn, lead people to develop feelings of anger and disappointment.

As explained above, placing those surveillance cameras may produce unwelcome problems that certainly can be avoided.

The end.

<em>Good essay.  Your grammar is almost perfect.  I suggested alternatives where I thought that your word or phrase was not completely natural, not because your words were grammatically wrong.  </em>

<em>"Any longer" looks better after the verb but the usage of it was correct.</em>

<em>I added the phrase "in turn" to make the sentence look more stylish - it's not essential.  When you are describing a consequence of something, you can say that, "in turn", this consequence will lead to another consequence.</em>

<em>I am trying to think why "those" is not a good word to use for the cameras here.   I think it's because you are talking about security cameras in general, and not the specific cameras you can see over there, which could be then be described as "those" cameras.   </em>

<em>"Civilians" means non-military people.  If you just mean ordinary people who can take part in society, then "citizens" is usual.</em>

<em>As for me, I don't like the idea that governments can amass huge amounts of data on people, whether by surveillance or otherwise, because it is impossible to know how that information could be used at a later stage.  In the UK, the data protection regime gives wide exemptions for collecting and storing data that could be used to prevent and prosecute crime.  </em>

<em>On the other hand, the UK intelligence services has foiled numerous terrorist plots in recent years, and I imagine that surveillance footage has been instrumental to the success of its work.  </em>

<em>Surveillance cameras have been introduced to the UK wholesale in my lifetime and I think most people have just got used to them and carry on their lives as if they were not there. Though sometimes I wave at cameras in the corner of lifts!</em>

<em>Good luck, Michael </em>

     I believe that placing surveillance cameras on city streets and in parks to increase public safety would be a the wrong step.
     Firstly, our liberty is an all-important right that we should must preserve. Placing those cameras would be a measure against our freedom. Once we know we are being watched, we won't any longer will not be freed free to keep on with continue our routines. Secondly, watching civilians when the government is watching citizens in their everyday lives and scrutinizing their deeds, may destroy the trust between the authorities and the residents is destroyed. The last public would probably may feel that their its privacy has had been invaded; The regime may cause them feel that they are not trustworthy in the eyes of the government, which may lead people to develop feelings of anger and disappointment.
     As explained above Placing those cameras may produce unwelcome problems that certainly can and should be avoided.