Would you please help me correct my essay? Thank you in advanced!! P.S I am not setting a discussion

As we are not omnipotent and cannot forecast every result in the future, we a lot of time often need to get advices from our friends or from ones we trust. When it comes to an important situation which might influences our career or life, and before we make up our mind, I do think that we should get some valuable advices from ones those we trust as well as who are older than us. There are several reasons why we need to confer with ones those of an older age.
To begin with, friends who are older than us have more real-world experience, because, generally, they have had the opportunity to learn more about life, career and the society (Or <em>the society in which they live</em>.  If you use 'the' you must mark 'the society' our from other societies.) by undergoing more practical experience instead of merely having theoretical knowledge. By discussing with them about the issues or situations we encounter, they could help us analyze them based on their experience, and give pragmatic advices or solutions. For example, after I graduated from high school and was preparing my application for entering a university, I did not have much information about majors in universities, so I did not know which one I should choose. Thus, I confered with my brother, with whose information and suggestion I got (I think you mean 'chose'.  You get your major when you graduate.) the major I was interested in. Also, I successfully entered the university.
Another reason is that friends who are older than us have come cross more difficulties or committed more mistakes than us, which (You can use 'That means' if you start a new sentence.) means their advice could help us avoid making the same mistakes and undergoing the same hardships. For instance, I have a friend, Max, who was a senior student when I was a freshman, and he failed to further his education in the USA. He told me that if I want to further my education overseas, I would need to spend more time improving my English to an advanced level. or I could Otherwise I would not be able to apply gain admittance to a good university in an English spoken speaking country, since without advanced English speaking ability, I are would not be able to communicate with professors and classmates. Thanks to his advice, and by diligently studying, my English has shown a huge improvement in the run up to my applying to a university in the States.

A generally well written piece.  Good work! And good luck with the applications. :)

Would you please help me correct my essay? Thank you in advance! P.S I am not setting a discussion

As we are not omnipotent and could not forecast every result in the future, we always need advices from our friends or the ones we trust in, When it comes to an important situation which might influence our career or life,I do think that we shall get some valuable advices from ones we trust as well as those who are older than us before we make up our minds, There are several reasons why we need to confer with ones of an older age.
To begin with, friends who are older than us have more real- world experience because generally, they learn more about life, career and the society by undergoing more practical experience instead of theoretical knowledge. By discussing with them about the issues or situations we encounter, they could help us analyze them based on their experience, and give pragmatic advices or solutions. For example, after I graduated from high school and prepare my application for entering a university, I did not have much information about majors in universities, so I did not know which one I should choose. Thus, I confer with my brother, with whose information and suggestion I got the major I was interested in, also I successfully enter the university.
Another reason is that friends who are older than us have come cross more difficulties or committed more mistakes than us, that means, their advice could help us avoid making same mistakes and undergoing the same hardships. For instance, I have a friend, Max, who is a senior student when I was a freshman, and he failed to further education in USA. He told me that if I want to further my education oversea, I need to spend more time improving English to an advanced level, or I could not apply a good university in English spoken countries since without advanced English spoken ability, I are not able to communicate with professors and classmates. Thanks to his advice, by diligently studying, my English get hug improvement before I apply an USA university.

 In the third place, generally, advices from friends of an older age are more reasonable and pragmatic, because they have a longer working experience than that of us. Say, a valuable advice from my sister helps me do better in my research, and her advice is paying attention to detail whatever I do in my work. By observing this principle in the progress of doing research, I have achieved lots of innovations and have published several good papers in scientific journals.
This is why I support that getting advice from ones who are older than us is more valuable.

This is one essay I wrote for my writing practice; and I am not setting a discussion, so to save your time, please do not write comments about it, and if you have time please help me correct the mistakes I made in my writing. Thank you very much!