Hey, I would apprecIiate it if you correct my essay XII Question The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing

Diego

Hey, I would apprecIiate it if you correct my essay XII Question The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. To what extent do you agree with these views? In industrialized countries the fast-paced of lifestyles has brought with it several health problems. These issues are even more remarkable in the increasing cases of overweight in young population. Although the main cause of young obesity is a debated topic, some feel that fast food restaurant chains are directly responsible of this problem, while others agree that parents are responsible for not taking care of the nourishment of their children. This essay will analyze both sides of this debate before drawing a conclusion. On one hand, during much of the twentieth century a tremendous number of fast food restaurant chains were set up. These kind of restaurants sacrificed nutrition in order to prepare food faster with negative consequences on young people. For example, a study led by Physicians Committee found that a regular McDonalds’ Cheese Burger Happy Meal had more fat and cholesterol than 13 orders of regular fries. This example clearly illustrates how a child-oriented product like the Happy Meal poses health risks due to the development of obesity. Therefore, it is understandable why some argue that fast food outlets are a major factor in overweight in children. On the other hand, parents have an important duty encouraging children to have a balanced diet. For instance, children, who are not looked after by their parents are twice as likely to be obese than those, who are constantly supervised by their parents. It is obvious that the absence of a parental guide in childhood has negative ramifications on young people’s health. Thus, the idea that parents should be blamed for not looking after their children’s health is supported. The above discussion has presented several convincing arguments for both sides of this debate. However, it is felt that a poor parental supervision of children’s diet is the main cause of youth obesity. It is hoped that parents keep a constant control of their children’s nourishment in the interest of the healthfulness of young population.

Jan 26, 2015 2:40 AM

Corrections · 3

Hi Diego,

Overall, I think your essay is well-done. I enjoyed the essay and it flows very well. I hope that my corrections/suggestions are a help to you.

Susan

Hey, I would apprecIiate it if you correct my essay XII

Question
The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health.
To what extent do you agree with these views?

In industrialized countries, the fast-paced of lifestyles has brought with it several health problems. These issues are even more remarkable in the increasing cases of overweight obesity (not sure if this is what you mean, but overweight by itself is a little incomplete) in the young population. Although the main cause of young obesity is a debated topic, some feel that fast food restaurant chains are directly responsible of for this problem, while others agree that parents are responsible for not taking care of the nourishment of their children. This essay will analyze both sides of this debate before drawing a conclusion.

On one hand, during much of the twentieth century a tremendous number of fast food restaurant chains were set up (established? Set up is perfectly fine here, but can mean a few things. In context with the rest of your essay, "set up" is a less specific and well-chosen word) . These kind of restaurants sacrificed nutrition in order to prepare food faster with negative consequences on for young people. For example, a study led by Physicians Committee found that a regular McDonald's Cheeseburger Happy Meal had more fat and cholesterol than 13 orders of regular fries. This example clearly illustrates how a child-oriented product like the Happy Meal poses health risks due to the development of obesity. Therefore, it is understandable why some argue that fast food outlets are a major factor in overweight ( another suggestion might be to say "the increasing weights of" instead of "overweight in" if you don't mean obesity) in children.

On the other hand, parents have an important duty encouraging children to have a balanced diet. For instance, children, who are not looked after by their parents,are twice as likely to be obese than those, (<move this comma to after "parents") who are constantly supervised by their parents. It is obvious that the absence of a parental guide in childhood has negative ramifications on young people’s health. Thus, the idea that parents should be blamed for not looking after their children’s health is supported.

The above discussion has presented several convincing arguments for both sides of this debate. However, it is felt that a poor parental supervision of children’s diet is the main cause of youth obesity. It is hoped that parents keep a constant control of their children’s nourishment in the interest of the healthfulness of young population.

January 31, 2015

Hey, I would apprecIiate it if you correct my essay XII

Question
The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health.
To what extent do you agree with these views?

In industrialized countries the fast pace of lifestyles has brought with it several health problems. These issues are even more remarkable in the increasing cases of overweight in the young population. Although the main cause of youth obesity is a debated topic, some feel that fast food restaurant chains are directly responsible of this problem, while others agree that parents are responsible for not taking care of the nourishment of their children. This essay will analyze both sides of this debate before drawing a conclusion.

On one hand, during much of the twentieth century a tremendous number of fast food restaurant chains were set up. These kind of restaurants sacrificed nutrition in order to prepare food faster with negative consequences on young people. For example, a study led by Physicians Committee found that a regular McDonald's Cheeseburger Happy Meal had more fat and cholesterol than 13 orders of regular french fries. This example clearly illustrates how a child-oriented product like the Happy Meal poses health risks due to the development of obesity. Therefore, it is understandable why some argue that fast food outlets are a major factor in overweight in children.

On the other hand, parents have an important duty to encourage encouraging children to have a balanced diet. For instance, children, who are not looked after by their parents are twice as likely to be obese than those, who are constantly supervised by their parents. It is obvious that the absence of a parental guide in childhood has negative ramifications on young people’s health. Thus, the idea that parents should be held accountable for blamed for not looking after their children’s health is supported.

The above discussion has presented several convincing arguments for both sides of this debate. However, it is felt that a poor parental supervision of children’s diets is the main cause of youth obesity. It is hoped that parents keep a constant control of their children’s nourishment in the interest of the healthfulness of young people. population.