Nancy
my email to customer Setting:My job is import and export the goods.Last Friday I received a email from our customer in Sri Lanka the shipment was damaged.Then i inform our agent in China and they give me a application form. Bellow is i send the email to our customer,could you please point which need to revise? Thank you in advance. Please refer enclosed an application form for the claim in Chinese. To claim the damaged cargo you need to provide us with the following informatioin and documentations. We read from the form that the claim shall be effective within 3 days after taking delivery of the cargo. - date of accident - place of accident - cause of accident - what kind of damage it is and its quantity - estimated damage claim amount - place and current situation of the cargo - damage report - detailed calculation for the damage - photo for the damage - CIQ report - accident report
Jan 26, 2015 8:50 AM
Corrections · 4
1

My email to a customer

Setting:  My job is involves the import and export the of goods.  [1] Last Friday I received a an [2] email from our customer in Sri Lanka the about a shipment which was damaged.  Then  i  I  [3] informed our agent in China and they give me a an application form. Bellow Below is i send the email I will send to our customer.  Could you please point which need to revise out where it needs revision? Thank you in advance.

Please refer to the enclosed an application form for the claim, to be completed [4] in Chinese.
To claim for [5] the damaged cargo you need to provide us with the following informatioin and documentations.
We read from the form that the claim shall be effective within 3 days after taking delivery of the cargo. [6]

- date of accident
- place of accident
- cause of accident
- what kind of damage it is and its quantity the type of damage and amount of damage
- estimated damage claim amount
- place and current situation [7] of the cargo

- damage report
- detailed calculation for of the damage claim 
- photo for of the damage
- CIQ report
- accident report

 

----

[1] Add a space (' ') after every comma (',') and every full stop ('.').

 

[2] Generally, we use the article 'an' before any word starting with a vowel (a, e, i, o, u).  As examples:

"I received an email."

"I received a letter."

 

[3] The pronoun 'I' is always capitalized (uses an upper-case letter).

 

[4] I believe your meaning here is that the form is in Chinese, and should be answered in Chinese.  If the form can be completed in English, different wording is needed.

 

[5] Be careful here, because one word makes a big difference.

"You can claim the damaged cargo" means that your customer can ask to receive the cargo, even though it is damaged.

"You can claim for the damaged cargo" means that your customer can ask for money as compensation for the damaged cargo.

 

[6] I don't understand precisely what this sentence means.  Therefore I don't know how to correct this sentence. 

 

[7] I am not certain what this phrase means.

January 27, 2015

my email to customer

Setting:My job is import and export the goods.Last Friday I received a email from our customer in Sri Lanka the shipment was damaged.Then i inform our agent in China and they give me a application form. Bellow is i send the email to our customer,could you please point which need to revise? Thank you in advance.

Please refer to the enclosed an application form for the claim in Chinese (Chinese language or China the country?)
To claim the damaged cargo you need to provide us with the following informatioin and documentations.
We read from the form that the claim shall be effective within 3 days after taking delivery of the cargo.

- date of accident
- place of accident
- cause of accident
- what kind of damage it is and its quantity
- estimated damage claim amount
- place and current situation of the cargo

- damage report
- detailed calculation for the damage
- photo for the damage
- CIQ report
- accident report

January 26, 2015
Want to progress faster?
Join this learning community and try out free exercises!