Can check my essay please

The bar charts compare the percentage of three different kind of music albums bought by British women and men in different age groups.
It is evident that both pop and rock Music albums were by far the most popular type of music for 16-24 and 25-34 year olds. However, figures for classical Music albums were the top-selling albums purchased by those over 45 year olds.
Almost 31 and 14 per cant of pop albums were bought by male and female, while the percentage of rock albums they bought was approximately 4% lower. A 16-24-year-olds and a 25-34-year-olds owned roughly an equal proportion of both pop and rock albums. The figures for 35-44 year olds who bought Pop albums were more than three times higher than people over 45, whereas about 25% and 11% people aged 35-44 and 45 bought Rock albums.
The percentage of classical albums purchased by the over-45 year olds and by 25-34-year olds marked above 20% and 16% respectively. In comparing with males and females who bought 9 and 6 per cent classical albums, the figures for the 16-24 and 35-44 age groups were considerably lower, at only 1 and 3 per cent respectively.

-You don't need to capitalize the genres of music: rock, not Rock.

-As a usage matter, people usually just say 'pop' or 'rock' without adding 'music'. It is understood to mean music.

-Use 'classical' to describe music like Bach, Beethoven, etc. 'Classic' without the -al has a different meaning.

-'Top-selling' needed the hyphen because it is a compound adjective.

-I removed 'a' before some age groups, because it refers to singular, not plural. You can't use it before 'groups'.