Writing Task 2 - the Women and Military Forces (Women in the Military)
In many countries women join to the army as men do. However, people argue that the army solely needs males. What is your opinion?
All of us in daily live have heard some discussions and news' articles around relation between kind of regarding job and gender. It seems many of them are finished, but, there are also some special matters that remain hot. Accompany of Women in military forces is one of this these issues. Some people are proving advocate that the work at in the armed army forces is not suitable for females because of their sex and their physical situations. The rest claims that when someone can do their duty, it does not matter what is their (his/her) gender is, and maybe in some cases women can do their duty better than men can.
In the growth of the civilization and developing the nations, the gaps between the two sexes have started to disappear. Ladies gradually were able to work, become more educated and do other social activities nearby the men. Whenever they found any opportunity, they showed their abilities in an acceptable way. In some special occasions, they really achieved a better result than the men did. Sometimes, as written down in history, they have fought with great courage in the primary battle lines.
To be continued.... meanwhile ask questions if you have any. Red is for corrections. Blue for suggestions. Highlighted parts? I will comment later. :)
acceptable way.- This phrase brings little meaning to the sentence. Instead of just substituting a word for "acceptable" allow me to suggest some alternate sentences.
At every opportunity, women have shown that they are capable of doing the same work as men.
"primary battle lines"- How about "on the front lines"?
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In some other true viewpoints, it is self-evidence self-evident that women have some distinguished are physically different with the from men. For instance, they have invaluable dangerous and sensible duty of pregnancy. This special phenomenon and its consequences have many effects on this female's life women's lives in many ways. It causes they them to become out of take time off work for some period of time and creates some other special problems for their employers in the workplace. This situation can becomes really worse when they are working at army during military service. We could not imagine a pregnant woman at the midst of the battles yard.
Be a military member, does not exactly always mean face-to-face fighting in the midst of conflict. However the persons who look for an excuse;, either both men or and women, can work at the other departments of the army. It is not acceptable to reject a group of people from an opportunity because of some temporary specifications situations. I think, in many senses, it can be meant regarded as a type of segregation and which we must avoid any separation.
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Thanks a lot for your corrections and suggestions. خواهش میکنم
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The above text does not reflect my real attitude.
By the way, I hate any violence.
http://www.italki.com/entry/468199
Allow me to address the green portions in the morning. (It is night here.) I also want to make some holistic comments about the essay itself, something I should have done from the start.
