Vinicius
My lifetime in a box Everyone does what they are supposed to do, they never change their mind not even the most offish or understandable person on the planet. If they truly wanna do something, they will do it no matter what happens, people normally will do that till they just wipe out because that's a fact about human beings, so what do I mean by this? OK. I have been a wayward child in a while ago and this is why I am living in a box at the moment and that's quite true. I moved to here about 3 months ago and it's been annoying as hell because I have no peace, I have no entertainments, I don't have any friends either, and no one would come friendly to me, honestly.. I've been living a false life in here cause all the things I can see I can't actually touch. Kind of illusion and hologramatic systems around my body make my mind fly away from the current place to a better or worse, I don't know but once in awhile that's too good to get released of. Although I wanted to, by myself, come in to this huge white box, now it's been terrifying and never EVER thought it could be so exhausting and hallucinogenic, despite the good fake stuff I've tasted before I totally do regret. I want to bring my life back but I don't know how I just know I got an extensive story to share.
Jan 31, 2015 9:49 PM
Corrections · 1
1

My lifetime in a box

Everyone does what they are supposed to do, they never change their mind not even the most offish or understandable person on the planet (consider rephrasing? what do you mean by offish or understandable?). If they truly wanna (want to) do something, they will do it no matter what happens. People normally will do that till they just wipe out because that's a fact about human beings, so what do I mean by this? OK. I have been a wayward child in a while ago and this is why I am living in a box at the moment and that's quite true. I moved to here about 3 months ago and it's been annoying as hell because I have no peace, I have no entertainments (entertainment), I don't have any friends either, and no one would come friendly (towards) me, honestly.. I've been living a false life in here cause all the things I can see I can't actually touch. Kind of illusion and hologramatic systems around my body make my mind fly away from the current place to a better or worse, I don't know but once in awhile that's too good to get released of. Although I wanted to, by myself, come in to this huge white box, now it's been terrifying and never EVER thought it could be so exhausting and hallucinogenic, despite the good fake stuff I've tasted before I totally do regret. I want to bring my life back but I don't know how I just know I got an extensive story to share.

 

Here are some suggestions:


Consider rephrasing certain sentences!  Also, take into consideration punctuation (the use of commas and periods, etc.) You don't want to have run-on sentences (sentences that are too long). That will allow the reader to get a better grasp of what your trying to convey. Don't use slang like 'wanna' when your writing a paper. Instead use 'want to'. I didn't correct everything, however I provided you with some helpful tips that can be useful for future entries. 



 

 

 

February 1, 2015
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