it's time to get some change

i me and my ex-boyfriend are at a in the same chat group, we don't talk much, and try to keep everything low key, i guess, at least i do, so maybe i don't want a connection with him anymore. i woke up today and found some a discussion about me  in the on that chat group, it's not a big deal actually, but i just don't want him to see it, i feel a little embarrass, and no one to talk to about it.
we haven't talked to each other in like 5 years since we broke up, but we have the same circle of friends, and they go out one time a year. i usually pass on it cause i don't like seeing him with embarrassed but pretending nothing is wrong and talk with everyone except me happily, i don't want people know there is something between us.
sometimes i think he is a weird guy, those clothes i don't get, those poses when he take photo. he don't doesn't  care what people think about him, he just do does whatever he want to. that is the great part of him, because i care a lot, i can't ignore people, i even care what people think when they saw us together, that makes me feel bad.
i don't know why or what makes me don't not dare to be up front of with him. i don't love him and i can't even say that was a serious relationship. even though, i don't want him to feel regret that he was with me before, i guess. i feel that i am not as good as i was before, i don't have any thing  i can be proud of, all of my interesting thoughts are gone. i am a boring person, i feel my life is stillness, no billows, no thrill.
there are always emotion that you have to take in yourself, i write down and i feel much better now, and there is a moment make you want to get change. i never dance before, i decide to take a salsa course, learn a new thing, make something different and see what happens on me.

i am glad that there is a place for me to say those these things.

 and my rant is: if they are truly friends in this chat group, you should let them know, that you do not want him reading things about you, because he is an ex boyfriend of yours, they should understand, people always know more then we tell them any way, and being free to do what every we please can be a good thing, or it can be an abusive behavior to those around us, and it sounds to me like he was a verbally abusive person, for you to feel less than you where before, be open and honest with friends, there is nothing wrong with dating some one and finding out they are not right for you, and leaving them, there is also nothing wrong with feeling embarrassed by some one else's behavior when you are with them, often some one who does strange things, they are just seeking others attention at any cost, you will be very suprised when you realize how much he does care about what every one thinks of him, sounds to me like his main concern is mostly that someone is thinking about him at any cost. 

never feel ashamed of your past, doing things especially the wrong things, is the way that we learn, who we are, what we like, what we do not like, so on and so forth.

it's time to get some change

i and my ex-boyfriend are at a same chat group, we don't talk much to keep low key, i guess, at least i do so,. maybe i don't want the connection with him anymore. i woke up today and found some discussion about me on that chat group,. it's not a big deal actually, but i just don't want him to see it, i feel a little embarrassed, and I've no one to talk to.
we haven't talked to each other in like 5 years since we broke up, but we have the same circle of friends, and they go out one time once a year. i usually pass it cause i don't like seeing him with embarrassed, but pretend nothing's wrong and talk with everyone except me happily,. i don't want people know there is something between us.
sometimes i think he is a weird guy, those clothes i don't get, those poses when he takes a photo... he don't doesn't care what people think about him, he just does whatever he wants to. that is the great part of him (maybe it's better to say: "biggest part of the problem" or "the worst thing about him"), because i care a lot,. i can't ignore people, i even care what people think when they saw see us together, that makes me feel bad.
i don't know why or what makes me don't not dare to be front of him (or you can say: i don't know why or what makes me anxious to be front of him) . i don't love him and i can't even say that it was a serious relationship. even though still (still is quite informal/oral, matching the style of this note. You can also say "nevertheless", "despite this", "in spite of this". If you want to use "even though", you would need to either state even though what, e.g. "even though I don't love him anymore...", "even though I have no feelings for him..." etc. Or you can join it with the previous sentence, but this would change the meaning), i don't want him to feel regret that he was with me before, i guess. i feel that i am not as good as before, i don't have any thing can be proud of, all of my interesting thoughts are gone. i am a boring person, i feel my life is stillness, no billows, no thrill.
there are always emotions that you have to take in recognise in (not sure what you mean by "take in". maybe you mean "hide deep inside" or the opposite: "get out of your system", "express" or maybe "handle yourself", "deal with yourself", "process by yourself") yourself, i write wrote down and i feel better now, and. there is was a moment when I felt I wanted to make you want to get change (you "get change" if you need some coins o pay for parking) something (or "make a change"). i've never danced before, so i decided to take a salsa course, learn a new thing (or "learn something new"), make do something different and see what happens on me. 

i am glad that there is a place for me to say those things.

Super, well written. Thanks for sharing! I'm sure you know this, but generally, even in informal writing, people tend to use capital letters at the beginning of sentences and with "I". But your note is written in an informal, almost "private" style, and although it's not "correct", it's pretty normal. When I write private emails or texts to close friends, I also don't use capital letters, I'm a bit lazy:) I hope you enjoy salsa, I'm addicted to it! It's a fantastic way to get reconnected with you body, with music and to meet people and make friends. When you want to learn to dance salsa, it's important to listen to and understand the musics, its history and the different rhytms in it, so listen deeply to lots of salsa and practise at home:) Good luck:)