sakura
the beautiful flower I visited my friend yesterday ,I found a plant named hyacinth in the lounge ,which didnt flower .My friend complained that he waited long time for its flower .I asked how long he buy it ,he replyed me that he bought it three moths ago .I told that if it flowers ,it would try all its best to give your a more beautiful optic sense ,and its perfume would permeate the house .although its flower just continue a short time .but it over whelm all others which flower long time .and I told him that even if it dont flower at ordinary time ,you think it is beautiful enough . He smiled and ask me which flower I plant .I said I plant not the novelty ,just a potato .I tought its flower is the most beautiful flower ,intrinsic and overwhelm .
Feb 26, 2015 8:48 AM
Corrections · 7

the beautiful flower

I visited my friend yesterday .I found a plant named hyacinth in the lounge ,which didn't <em>(you can also say "which wasn't flowering" or "which wouldn't flower")</em> flower .My friend complained that he waited had been waiting a long time for it's flower .I asked how long ago he buy bought it ,he replyed me that he bought it three moths ago .I told said <em>(or "told him")</em> that if it flowers ,it would try all it's best to give your a more beautiful optic sense (not sure what you mean here, maybe visual experience or visual sensation) ,and it's perfume <em>(perfume is a beautiful and poetic way to express this, but a little bit old-fashioned and uncommon. In common speech, plant-produced natural odours are usually called fragrance. But your paragrapf is quite poetic and philosophical so I think perfume sounds well here.)</em> would permeate the house .Although it's flower just continue only lasts a short time, .but it over whelm it will overwhelm all the others which flower for a long time .and I also told him that even if it dont doesn't flower at ordinary time ,you <em>(not sure who you mean here, but you can omit "you think".)</em> think it is beautiful enough .
He smiled and asked me which flower I plant .I said I plant not the novelty ,just a potato . <em>(I would rewrite this sentence as: I said I plant not the novelty kind, but the humble kind, like the potato.)</em> I tought think <em>(or "I told him I thought...")</em> it's flower is the most beautiful flower ,intrinsic <em>(I think a better word would be "intriguing", but I could be wrong)</em> and overwhelming .

 

Beautiful story!!!

February 28, 2015

the beautiful flower

I visited my friend yesterday ,I found a plant named hyacinth in the lounge ,which didnt flower .My friend complained that he waited a long time for its it to flower .I asked how long ago he buy bought it , and he replyed to me that he bought it three moths ago .I told him that if it flowers ,it would try all its best to give your you a more beautiful optic sense ,and its perfume would permeate the house .although its flower just continue lasts a short time .but it over whelm overwhelms all others which flower longer time ("A beautiful optic sense" is poetic, but not what someone would typically say. It would try its best to be beautiful may be a more natural way to say it.).and I told him that even if it dont doesn't flower at ordinary time ("At ordinary time" doesn't quite work here. Maybe leave that part off, since the sentence makes sense without it.)  ,you will think it is beautiful enough .
He smiled and asked me which flower I plant .I said I plant not the novelty ,just a potato .I thought its flower is the most beautiful flower ,intrinsic and overwhelm .

 

I hope that helps. Great job!

February 28, 2015

the beautiful flower

I visited my friend yesterdayx,yI found a plant named hyacinth in the loungex,which didnt flowerx.yMy friend complained that he waited long time for its flowerx.yI asked how long he buy itx,yhe replyed me that he bought it three moths ago .yI told that if it flowersx,yit would try all its best to give your a more beautiful optic sensex,yand its perfume would permeate the housex.yalthough its flower just continue a short timex.,ybut it over whelm all others which flower long timex.yand I told him that even if it dont flower at ordinary timex,yyou think it is beautiful enoughx.
He smiled and ask me which flower I plantx.yI said I plant not the noveltyx,yjust a potatox.yI tought its flower is the most beautiful flowerx,yintrinsic and overwhelmx.

<em>This correction is only about punctuation. Enter space ( ) always after the comma. No space necessary before the comma. (I marked the unnecessary spaces with </em><em>and the correct spaces with </em>y<em>). The reason for this is that when you type using a word processor (e.g. microsoft Word etc), the program will automatically "wrap" text. This means, it will bring the things separated with a space to the next line. If you separate the (.) or the (,) from the last word before it, it will show up at the beginning of a new line. This would look strange. In the next correction I'll help you with some of the words.</em>

February 28, 2015
Want to progress faster?
Join this learning community and try out free exercises!