Federico
安静的夜 安静的夜 是早上三小时。我还醒着呢。街上没有声响。大部分在城市的人睡觉。 几个小时后人们会开始开动(1),车也会开始开动。人们要买卖各种各样的东西了,要说百万词了,要写百万字了,要生产百万东西了。一部分的要高兴了,一部分的要难过了。大部分的人不会记得这个日(2)。 现在我有夜这么安静。几个小时后不知道(3)。 我想到李白的诗《静夜思》(4),但是我不能是地上结了霜因为这里炎热的夏天,还不看到月亮。 我应该去床睡觉,但是不要。我知道在工作小时我要困倦了。没问题。有咖啡,在办公室最喝的毒品。今天我比平常需要喝多得多(5)。 (1) In a couple of hours people will begin to move. I am not very sure about the use of 要…了 and 会in this paragraph to express what will happen in a couple of hours or during the day that is about to begin. (2) Most part of the people won’t remember this day. (3) Right now I am as quiet as the night. I don’t know if in a couple of hours I will still feel like this. (4) Li Bai’s poem 静夜思comes to my mind. (5) No problem. There is coffee, the most widely consumed drug in offices. I will have to drink more than usual.
Mar 1, 2015 9:43 PM
Corrections · 8

写得太棒了,很有韵味。

 

安静的夜


早上三小时("三小时"means 3 hours)。我还醒着呢。街上没有声响。大部分在城市的人睡觉(a litter weird)

凌晨三点,我仍未入眠。街上已无声响,城里人也已酣甜于梦乡中。

几个小时后人们(将会)开始开动(1),车也会开始开动。人们要买卖各种各样的东西了,要说百万词了,要写百万字了,要生产百万东西了。一部分的要高兴了,一部分的要难过了。大部分的人不会记得这日(2)。 

再过几小时,人们便开始忙碌了,车辆也将奔驰。买卖的叫喊声也将弥漫在空气中,千言万语,繁华琐事,悲喜交加,可又会有谁记得这个平凡的日子?

 

现在(or 现在,我)有夜这么安静。几个小时后不知道(3)。

现在的我,犹如这安静的夜。只是在这之后又有谁能说得准呢?

 

我想到李白的诗《静夜思》(4),但是我不能是地上结了霜因为这里炎热的夏天,而且还不看到月亮。

我想到了李白的《静夜思》,只是这儿炎炎夏日、乌云蔽月,地上又怎会结霜?

我应该去床睡觉,但是不要。我知道在工作小时我要困倦了。没问题。有咖啡,在办公室最喝的毒品(refers to heroin, mariguana and so on )。今天我比平常需要喝多得多(5)。

我该去睡觉了,但我不想。我知道工作时我又要困倦了。没问题,有咖啡,办公室里最常喝的药物。今日,“多多益善”。

(1) In a couple of hours people will begin to move.
I am not very sure about the use of 要…了 and 会in this paragraph to express what will happen in a couple of hours or during the day that is about to begin.
(2) Most part of the people won’t remember this day.
(3) Right now I am as quiet as the night. I don’t know if in a couple of hours I will still feel like this.
(4) Li Bai’s poem 静夜思comes to my mind.
(5) No problem. There is coffee, the most widely consumed drug in offices. I will have to drink more than usual.

March 2, 2015

安静的夜 夜深闌靜



早上三点鈡小时。我还醒着呢。街上没有声。大部分城市的人还在睡觉。

If you want to write more poetically, 凌晨三时了, 还不能入睡. 街音全非, 其他城中人正在甜甜於眠乡.

几个小时后, 人们会开始动(1),车开始开动市场甦醒, 人们要买卖就此繁华起来各种各样的东西了,要说百万词了,要写百万字了,要生产百万东西了。一部分的要高兴了,一部分的要难过了。大部分的人不会记得这个日(2)。 I would express it as, 千言万語, 瑣事綿綿. 有的喜, 有的哀. 風向之今日, 有多少能记得呢?

情緒如夜阑深在我有夜这么安静几个小时后不稍后几刻时间如何?(3)。
想到李白的《静夜思》(4),但是我不能是地上因为这里炎热的夏天地上难以結霜, 明月[Using the words from the poem makes your line more meaningful since you had introduced the poem],还見到到月亮

我应该回眠 [Since you are writing a creative piece alluding to that famous poem, should use more literary words]去床睡觉,但要。上班我知道在工作小, 当然会疲我要困倦了。没问题。有咖啡办公室喝的/仙液/灵芝/灵丹妙葯/毒品[Using "drug" in English is OK.  It does not have deep cultural baises.  China's national humilation comes from the Opium Wars and so it would be cultural unacceptable to convey your intent.  Here the equivalent "exlixir" is more appropriate]。今天我比平常需要喝多得喝不可啊!(5)。

(1) In a couple of hours people will begin to move.
I am not very sure about the use of 要…了 and 会in this paragraph to express what will happen in a couple of hours or during the day that is about to begin.
(2) Most part of the people won’t remember this day.
(3) Right now I am as quiet as the night. I don’t know if in a couple of hours I will still feel like this.
(4) Li Bai’s poem 静夜思comes to my mind.
(5) No problem. There is coffee, the most widely consumed drug in offices. I will have to drink more than usual.

 

Great piece of sentiment.  Also a very ambitious undertaking.  Shows your great interest to master this language.  If you have more questions, go ahead and ask.  I won't bite :)

March 2, 2015

安静的夜 (寧靜的夜)


現在早上凌晨小时,我还醒着呢!街上没有声响,大部分在城市的人都在睡觉。

几个小时后人们会开始开动(活動or移動),车也会开始开动。人们要開始做各種各樣的买卖各种各样的东西了,要说百万词,要写百万字,要生产百万东西了。一部分的人覺得高兴,然而一部分的人感到难过。大部分的人不会记得这个平凡的一天(2)。

现在我有夜这么安静心裡平靜的就像這夜晚,几个小时后不知道我是否還有這樣的感覺(3)。
我想李白的诗《静夜思》(4),但是我不能理解為何地上會结了霜因为这里炎热的夏天,还不看到月亮在這看得到月亮的炎熱夏夜裡。

我应该要床睡觉,但是不要。我知道在工作小时我要困倦了這幾小時的工作讓我疲憊,没问题,有咖啡!在办公室最喝的毒品(特效藥,靈丹),今天我比平常需要的量多得多(5)。

(1) In a couple of hours people will begin to move.
I am not very sure about the use of 要…了 and 会in this paragraph to express what will happen in a couple of hours or during the day that is about to begin.
(2) Most part of the people won’t remember this day.
(3) Right now I am as quiet as the night. I don’t know if in a couple of hours I will still feel like this.
(4) Li Bai’s poem 静夜思comes to my mind.
(5) No problem. There is coffee, the most widely consumed drug in offices. I will have to drink more than usual.

March 2, 2015
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