Does it sounds natural? Please correct if it's wrong about bank. These days people are using different financial services online rather than going to bank. But I still go to bank. I go to bank nam

Myeongji

Does it sounds natural? Please correct if it's wrong about bank. These days people are using different financial services online rather than going to bank. But I still go to bank. I go to bank named Woori. “Woori" means “together” in English. it’s roughly 2km from my home. I often go there to open a bank account, withdraw my money from the ATM machine or have my credit card reissued. it’s ranked in the top 3 banks in korea. the bank provide high quality care and services to their members. the bank is on the first floor of 4 story building, As you walk, you can see the counter and tellers sitting behind it. next to the counter there is a ticket machine. you should take a ticket from it to wait your turn. and the tellers are very kind and friendly. also there is a safety guard next to the entrance so you don’t have to worry about loosing your money. And there is a cafeteria on the 2nd floor of the building If you have a credit card of the bank, you can get a discount. whenever i visit the bank, i go to the cafeteria and have some cheesecake. That’s my favorite thing there

Mar 6, 2015 6:10 AM

Corrections · 1

Does it sounds natural? Please correct if it's wrong

about banks.

These days people are using different financial services online rather than going to the bank. But I still go to the bank. I go to a bank named "Woori". “Woori" means “together” in English. It’s roughly 2km from my home. I often go there to open a bank account, withdraw my money from the ATM machine or have my credit card reissued.
It’s ranked in the top 3 banks in Korea. The bank provides high quality care and services to their members.

The bank is on the first floor of a 4 story building. When you walk in, you can see the counter and tellers sitting behind it. Next to the counter there is a ticket machine. You should take a ticket from it and wait your turn. The tellers are also very kind and friendly and there is a security guard next to the entrance so you don’t have to worry about loosing your money.
There is also a cafeteria on the 2nd floor of the building. If you have a credit card with the bank, you can get a discount. Whenever I visit the bank, I go to the cafeteria and have some cheesecake. That’s my favorite thing there.

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Good job! Keep up the good work. :)

ATM = Automatic Transaction Machine
If you say ATM machine, you are really saying, "Automatic Transaction Machine Machine" and it becomes redundant.

Try not to start your sentences using "and". It is not always against the rules of grammar to do this, but if you are trying to write something in a more formal way, you should try to find other ways to express "and" in your sentences. I removed it, and added "also". I felt that it flowed better.