hello everyone here~
It's my first day here, and I'm [英文的"我", 非大写不可]a final last-year university student in Shanghai, China, and [上海是用名的城市, 因此不須用国名. 意思暗含读者沒有知识. 如果别的城市有一样的名称, 例如, St. Petersburg, 这是指俄国的. 如果是指 美国的, 那就要放 Florida 的 州名]I am going to Britain to have for my Master's degree. study, and i have There are already accepted offers from some universities such as University of York and University of Birmingham. , but However, I have not passed my IELTS yet, so I like to have a laguange exchange to practise ["s" is for the verb form and "c" is for the noun form]my English. and i'm If you are interested, I would be gladly to teach him or her to practice or practise Chinese with you. (if he or she want to learn).
You know softwares However, social networks such as Facebook or Twitter cannot be used in China. Hence it would be best if we communicate using WeChat (微信). It is the most widely used app here. , so if you are willing to be my languange exchange(foreign friend actually i want to say)， maybe it will be more convenient for us to use "wechat" (微信) which is the most used APP in China.
Hello everyone here~
It's my first day here, and i'm I'm a last-year university student in from Shanghai, China. I am going to Britain to have my master degree study study for my Master's degree. and I have already accepted offers from some universities such as University of York and University of Birmingham, but I have not passed the IELTS yet. so I would like to have a laguange exchange partner to practice my English and i'm I would gladly to teach him or her to practice Chinese(if he or she wants to learn).
You know softwares Software such as Facebook or Twitter cannot be used in China, so if you are willing to be my languange exchange partner(foreign friend actually i want to say actually, more like a foreign friend)，maybe it will (see notes) be more convenient for us to use "wechat" (微信), which is the most used APP app in China.
Notes (My Opinions):
It's my first day here, and I'm a last-year university student from Shanghai, China.
"Last-year university student" is gramatically correct; however, a native speaker would likely say "I am in my final year of undergraduate study" depending on how formal you want this to be (this message does not sound very formal so I did not note that).
I have already accepted offers from some universities such as University of York and University of Birmingham, but I have not passed the IELTS yet.
Good use of "such as." Your original writing was a very long run-on sentence, so I tried to order the sentences based on ideas I think correlate well with each other. This sentence talks about your problem and the next will show your solution. Keep in mind, my changes are made with the intent of the sentences ending the way I changed them to. The corrections can really change depending on how you set up your sentences.
I would like to have a laguange exchange partner to practice my English and I would gladly teach him or her Chinese(if he or she wants to learn).
I introduced the word partner here because later on you refer to a pronoun (him or her). Without the word partner, the sentence became very awkward. Good use of him or her. When writing I prefer "they," "their," and "them" but there are people who do not like that.
Software such as Facebook or Twitter cannot be used in China, so if you are willing to be my languange exchange partner(actually, more like a foreign friend)，maybe it will be more convenient for us to use "wechat" (微信), which is the most used APP app in China.
"maybe it will be more convenient" I think you can use will here but I prefer the use of "would." Would implies a sense of politeness when you speak and it is good for when you are offering a request. "Software such as Facebook.." This works and makes sense but I would say "Services such as Faceook..."
Overall, very good writing! I do not know if you were going for an informal entry or not due to your run-on sentences. Try not to develop that habit and it will help your thoughts become more cohesive.
