Rachel
Kite I saw When I was a little girl , I swore to never lose my childishness, that I will never grow up to be a boring clumsy adult . I kept my words for years. I learned how things work in a bank , I learned how to drive a car, I learned how to cook, I got my first job as a waitress, but I was still willing to sit on the floor and play with the toy bricks. Then I went to college. Away frow home,the changes were happening in slience. Day one I stoped feeling for the weather ,Day two I bought a purse instead of a book. The environment changed,and I found a easy way to live. Till recently something changed my mind again. I’m living near by a construction plant , There is a huge pile of earth on the side of the road. One day I saw a bunch of kids playing on top of it, the dirt gets on their shoes and clothes, and it’s kind of dangerous too because they might fall. So I was thinking “Wow, bad parenting.” And then times goes on,days after that, when I was standing by the window drinking my tea , I saw them again, only this time ,they were flying a kite. The tail of that kite was so long , you can saw it swimming in the light blue sky. That was a beautiful kite ,and those kids ,they created it. I wish I was one of them.
Apr 21, 2015 2:42 PM
Corrections · 1

Kite I saw

When I was a little girl, I swore to never lose my childishness; that I will never grow up to be a boring, clumsy, adult. I kept my words for years. I learned how things work in a bank, I learned how to drive a car, I learned how to cook, and I got my first job as a waitress, but I was still willing to sit on the floor and play with the toy bricks.
Then I went to college.
Away frow home, the changes were happening in slience. Day one, I stoped feeling for enjoying the weather. Day two, I bought a purse instead of a book. The environment changed, and I found an easy way to live. Till recently something changed my mind again.
I’m living nearby a construction plant. There is a huge pile of earth dirt on the side of the road. One day, I saw a bunch of kids playing on top of it. The dirt gets on their shoes and clothes, and it’s kind of dangerous too, because they might fall. So, I was thinking “Wow, bad parenting.” And then some time goes on by, a few days after that, when I was standing by the window drinking my tea, when I saw them again. Only this time, they were flying a kite. The tail of that kite was so long, you can saw could see it swimming in the light blue sky. That was a beautiful kite, and those kids, they created it. I wish I was one of them.

 

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Great work! I only corrected a few words. I also corrected some punctuation mistakes, but I did not highlight them. 

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I think retaining your inner child is important. Never get too caught up in the now and what society wants. If you forget how to have fun and be happy, what is the ponit?

 

我覺得每個人需要記得他們的童年。父母,社會, 朋友,都像你表現你的年紀,但是別忘你的童年。

 

April 21, 2015
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