Ling
Homework. Please help~ I was born in an ordinary family. I have parents, four brothers and two sisters. I am the youngest in my family. I live in Lok Fu (老虎岩) until 11years old. Then, I moved to Ma On Shan. My father is a Chinese chief. Because the problem of transportation at that moment, he just came home one per week. He retired at his 45 years old. He retired early because he has a genetic eye disease called retinitis pigmentosa (RP). The vision will gradually decline. And because of that, he retired earlier than the normal age. As it is a genetic eye disease, all of my brothers and sisters including me may have this eye disease. When I studied in college, I bring my father to consult an eye specialist. He only remained 10% vision in his age of around 60.
Apr 27, 2015 3:38 PM
Corrections · 2

Homework. Please help~


I was born in an ordinary family. I have , with two parents, four brothers and two sisters. I am the youngest in my family. I lived in Lok Fu (老虎岩) until I was 11 years old, then I moved to Ma On Shan.

 

My father is was a Chinese chief. B , and because the of a problem of with transportation at that time moment he just only came home one once per week. He retired at his early At 45 years old, he retired early because he has a genetic eye disease called retinitis pigmentosa (RP). The His vision will gradually decline and because of that he retired earlier than the normal age. As it is a genetic eye disease, all of my brothers and sisters including me myself may also have it. this eye disease. When I studied in college, I bring took my father to consult an eye specialist. He only remained 10% vision in his age of around 60. , and at the age of around 60 he only had 10% of his vision remaining.

 

Hope that helps, you're doing really well. I've tried to make it sound more natural and the last sentence I thought it better to change the order. I think maybe studying tenses (past, present and future) might help.

April 29, 2015
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