Essay 1 What is the primary goal of the justice system? Many would argue that it is to ensure that lawbreakers paid back to society for the harm they have caused. But there is another aspect that shou

Vlad

Essay 1 What is the primary goal of the justice system? Many would argue that it is to ensure that lawbreakers paid back to society for the harm they have caused. But there is another aspect that should not be neglected — its most important function must be to reform criminals and integrate them back to the community. There are people who assert that punishment is the main goal of incarceration, and at first glance there are many good reasons to think it is. First, it restores the balance of justice that was disrupted by the crime, providing satisfaction to the victim equal to the pain that was incurred. Second, it acted as a deterrent to others, influencing them by the example made of the criminal so that they would be dissuaded from committing the crime themselves. Finally, it prevents the criminal from offending again. Although these ideas could be partly right, eventually most of the convicted will be released back into the community where they will face the same problems that once caused them to break the law. It is scarcely surprising that people with criminal records have difficulty in finding employment or educational opportunities. Thus, rather than preventing crime, imprisonment for petty offenders just exacerbates their issues and tends to increase recidivism. Instead, community service may be used as an alternative to incarceration. Re-education helps lawbreakers to develop a sense of responsibility and self-worth, and also makes them less likely to reoffend. Moreover, it is to society’s advantage to gain someone who can make a valuable contribution to the common good. Wherever there are people, there are laws, and wherever there are laws, there are always people who break them. Society has a right to protect itself against violence, but doing justice involves more than merely punishing the guilty party. What is more important is to re-educate these people and re-insert them into the community as useful and responsible members. Otherwise, the society as a whole ends up paying the consequences. -- The task was to write an essay on the topic "The aim of prison should be to re-educate rather than punish". I have not written essays since high school which was more than 15 years ago. Could you please critique this? I would really appreciate it if any former or current IELTS/TOEFL examiner could comment on what band score it can get.

May 5, 2015 1:57 AM

Corrections · 3

Essay 1

What is the primary goal of the justice system? Many would argue that it is to ensure that lawbreakers pay back society for the harm they have caused. But there is another aspect that should not be neglected — its most important function must be to reform criminals and integrate them back to the community.

There are people who assert that punishment is the main goal of incarceration, and at first glance there are many good reasons to think it is. First, it restores the balance of justice that was disrupted by the crime, providing satisfaction to the victim equal to the pain that was incurred. Second, it acts as a deterrent to others, influencing them by the example made of the criminal so that they will be dissuaded from committing crimes themselves. Finally, it prevents the criminal from offending again. Although these ideas could be partly right, eventually most of the convicted will be released back into the community where they will face the same problems that once caused them to break the law.

It is scarcely surprising that people with criminal records have difficulty in finding employment or educational opportunities. Thus, rather than preventing crime, imprisonment for petty offenders just exacerbates their issues and tends to increase recidivism. Instead, community service may be used as an alternative to incarceration. Re-education helps lawbreakers to develop a sense of responsibility and self-worth, and also makes them less likely to re-offend. Moreover, it is to society’s advantage to gain someone who can make a valuable contribution to the common good.

Wherever there are people, there are laws, and wherever there are laws, there are always people who break them. Society has a right to protect itself against violence, but doing justice involves more than merely punishing the guilty party. What is more important is to re-educate these people and re-insert them into the community as useful and responsible members. Otherwise, the society as a whole ends up paying the consequences.

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The task was to write an essay on the topic "The aim of prison should be to re-educate rather than punish".

I have not written essays since high school which was more than 15 years ago. Could you please critique this? I would really appreciate it if any former or current IELTS/TOEFL examiner could comment on what band score it can get.

Hi Vlad, this is Jan. Very well done. I'm sorry I don't know how to highlight and overstrike to make it easier to see the very few corrections I made. I am most impressed. :)

May 5, 2015