Persuasive Speech: Cellphone and College Students Electronics became a wonderful tool with the rise in science. Especially, a cell phone evolved dramatically. It is no longer a just cell phone. Mos

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Persuasive Speech: Cellphone and College Students Electronics became a wonderful tool with the rise in science. Especially, a cell phone evolved dramatically. It is no longer a just cell phone. Most of people have i-phone or smart phone. By paying for the fee of phone each month, you can use not only call and text but also internet. However, do you know how often you use your phone? or have you ever timed yourself using phone? A new study from researchers at Baylor University has found that women college students spend around 10 hours a day on their cell phones, while men students spend around eight hours. It is almost second nature how often we use our cell phones. Also, around 60% of students say they’re addicted to their cell phones. Many students feel a great deal of anxiety when separated from their phones for 75 minutes during one experiment. E-mail and text account for over half of time. Internet and Facebook are 30%. Technology entertain people and connect relationship between you and your friends by using phone any time. It is a good news? Yes, it is, but "NO" only when you have your own priority. When you have homework or when you are in a class, cellphone affect your study habits. Is it possible to work on something while studying? Neuroscientists at the French medical research tells "Multitasking is a weakness, not a strength. When people focus on two tasks simultaneously, each side of the brain tackles a different task." This suggests a two-task limit on what the human brain can handle. It is ok if you do not care about your grade, and it would be fine if you do not care about studying. but if you are college students, think about how much you would waste money by paying for tuition. Students of a College pay average of $20,000 to 30,000 a year. You do not pay for only the fee of phone. Do you want to invest just a phone? Who are you without a phone?

May 5, 2015 3:02 AM

Corrections · 4

Is it possible to work on something else while studying?
Neuroscientists at the French medical research French neuroscientist medical researchers tells us that, "[m]ultitasking (Your writing style is very advanced so I will explain to you how and why I corrected "[m]ultitasking". When you pull a direct quote from somewhere, which it appears like you have done, you need to combine it into the sentence. You incorporated this quote in the middle of your sentence. Just like you would write your own sentence, you would not capitalize a verb mid-sentence. However, the original author probably began their sentence with "Multitasking", hence the capital M. In order to make the sentence flow nicely and be grammatically correct, yet still keep the author's original work, you are allowed to change the words in their sentence, but you must show your readers that you are doing so by putting sqare brackets [] around the part you change. This is why I changed the capital M to a lowercase m using square brackets. This is used only in formal academic work, I have never seen it used in casual conversation.) is a weakness, not a strength. When people focus on two tasks simultaneously, each side of the brain tackles a different task."
This suggests a two-task limit on what the human brain can handle.

It is ok if you do not care about your grades, and it would be fine if you do not care about studying,
but if you are a college student, think about how much you would waste money money you would waste by paying for tuition.
Students of a college College students pay an average of $20,000 to $30,000 a year (in tuition). You do not pay for only the fee of phone. You are not only paying for your phone's service fee... (This sentence is missing something. It makes sense by itself, but I do not see the point you are trying to make in this paragraph. You could add something like: With such a large amount of money being spent on education already, have you considered how much of it you waste by spending so much time on a cell phone, which you are also paying for?! Please let me know if this is what you meant.
Do you want to invest just a phone? I don't understand this sentence. Who are you without a your phone?

Well done, you seem to have a very good grasp on English grammar and vocabulary. One thing you should spend more time on is sentence structure. I'm sure with more practice it will become much easier. If you need more clarification or don't understand something I've written or corrected then please let me know and I will try to explain it again another way or with examples.

May 5, 2015

Persuasive Speech: Cell phones and College Students

Electronics became a wonderful tool with the rise in of science.
Especially Specifically, a the cell phone evolved dramatically.
It is no longer a just just a cell phone. Most of people have an iPhone or smart phone.
By paying for the fee of phone each month cell phone service each month, you can use not only call and text, but also use internet.
However, do you know how often you use your phone? Or have you ever timed yourself using your phone?

A new study from researchers at Baylor University has found that women female college students spend around 10 hours a day on their cell phones, while men male students spend around eight hours.
It is almost second nature how often we use our cell phones. We use our cell phones so often that it has almost become second nature.

Also, around 60% of students say they’re addicted to their cell phones. Many students felt a great deal of anxiety when separated from their phones for 75 minutes during one an experiment.
E-mail and texting account for over half of the time spent on cell phones. Internet and Facebook are constitute 30%.

Technology entertains people and connects relationships between you and your friends (when written this way, "friends" already includes "you", so you do not need to add that in) by using phone any time. by allowing them to use their cell phones (for correspondence/communication) at any time.

It is a this good news?

Yes, it is, (for the most part), but "NO" only when you have your own priority. but it can interfere with other priorities.
When you have homework or when you are in a class, cell phones affect your study habits and attention. ("study habits" applies only to homework. In a sentence like this, you have to make sure that both sides of the sentence match up. If you list both homework and class as the subjects of your sentence then the object must complement both. "studying" complements "homework," and "paying attention" complements "class". I tried to explain this as simply as I could but please let me know if you don't understand. Also, you could omit that entirely and just write "When you have homework or are in class, cell phones affect your ability to focus/concentrate." The word "focus" or "concentrate" (both mean almost the same thing) can be used with both homework and being in class. I fear I may have just confused you more... Sorry!

May 5, 2015

I just revised this whole entry but it got deleted, so I'm just going to talk about what you need to work on. It's as if you have the vocabulary of a high school student but the grammatical understanding of an elementary school student. I don't say this to discourage you but to emphasize what you need to work on. Your overall understanding of English grammar is exceedingly good, but it still needs work. I suggest that you reserve some time to not only practice sentence structure but read as well. If you can get some English and American literature and concentrate on how the sentences are constructed, then you'll quickly be writing and speaking like a native English speaker. Good luck!

June 10, 2015

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