Arlenerong
pie chart composition Public transport was the most popular transportation in 2004.The proportion of people who travelled by public transport was highest in 2004 at 40%, before it declined by 10% to 30%. While the proportion of car users rose to 33% in 2009, although the figure in 2004 was lower at 21%. People who travelled by taxi accounted for 21% of all people in a country in 2004, after which it rose slightly to 29% in 2009.
May 23, 2015 2:51 PM
Corrections · 4
1

pie chart composition

Public transport transportation was the most popular type of transportation in 2004.The proportion of people who travelled by public transport transportation was highest in 2004 at 40%, before it declined by 10% to 30% (before it declined to 30% in ??). While the The proportion of car users drivers rose to 33% in 2009, although the figure in 2004 was lower at 21% from 21% in 2004. People who travelled by taxi accounted for 21% of all people in a the country in 2004, after which it rose slightly to 29% in 2009.

 

Notes...我比较吹毛求疵。

Transport = Verb (动词)

Transportation = Noun (名词)

"While the" is generally used for a direct comparison between two things. Here you talk about three things (public transportation, drivers, and people who take taxis). Using it in the second sentence is awkward...不流畅.

In green, you do not mention what year you are comparing public transportation levels in 2004 to. Is it also to 2009?

Car user should be car drivers or "those who drive cars". 一般不会说车子用户哈哈。。。驾驶员嘛。

You overused commas...逗号在这些句子里都不需要用。当然我不是英语老师,这里有很多规则你可以研究一下。

In general try to keep sentences shorter and to the point. You used some extra wording that wasn't 100% necessary in some cases.

May 24, 2015
Where are the information come from?
May 23, 2015
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