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Three Strange Autumns4 pls correct this story for me,it is so important for me I wish I had never looked at it and I walked by it. I wish I had come back to the house and I’d slept in the damn bed but I looked at it and I went toward it. It didn’t move. It snored and gazed in my eyes. I looked around to find a stone and throw it toward the cat but I didn’t find any. I went out and passed a street. I saw the cat which jumped the wall down and passed the street faster than me. While I arrived at a street, everywhere was silent.A cold wind blew. I put my head into my collar over coat and my hands were in my pocket and I walked very fast. I arrived at a junction and passed across the street. I arrived at a middle of the street. I saw a white truck that moved in closer with a crinkly form. My eyes became dark while I wanted to move. I spent seconds in darkness. My eyes opened poco and poco and I saw a young man who looked at me with worried eyes. A man was biting his lip. Seconds elapse slowly. A young man escaped and I couldn’t see him. After that I heard a noise of a car that kept out. The sky was closer and I couldn’t feel anything. After a few minutes, I saw some worried eyes that were confused on the top of my head and I heard intricate sound. Between hazy faces, I saw a face of a man who was familiar. His look was different with others and he gazed my eyes. I think I’d seen him before. I looked him carefully; it was Mahmoud with gray eyes. I felt lightly like someone who took her clothes off. I rose by and by. I heard people sound who was telling:” He passed away…..a coward guy has escaped….Let’s put him in a car”.I passed across people, I levitated and was rising. It has spent so much time of this adventure. I don’t know how much…… I don’t have any data on a number of days here. A new day started and they called me. It was an autumn morning again. They called me for the first time. I’ve sat on a wall now. The weather is cold. I am rubbing behind my ear. Expectation is too difficult. It’s an hour that I’m sitting here. The cement is ragged and my foots and hands are paining. Finally one lamp turned up and a door of a house was opened. An old man came to the yard. I stood up on the wall and looked at him. He was familiar. I looked at him carefully, I remembered. It was a young man who had stood above my head and escaped with his car very fast. He was older than before. Hair around his head was white and sometimes he coughed. He was disturbed like person who have seen a nightmare dream. I gazed in his eyes.
Jun 30, 2015 7:13 AM
Corrections · 14
2

Three Strange Autumns4 pls correct this story for me,it is so important for me

I wish I that had walked by and never looked at it. I wish I had come back to the house and I’d slept in the damn bed, but I looked at it and I went toward it. It didn’t move. It snored (?) and gazed into my eyes. I looked around to find a stone to throw it toward the cat, but I didn’t find any. I went out and passed a street. I saw the cat, which jumped down from the wall and passed the street faster than me. When I arrived at a street, everything was silent. A cold wind blew. I put my head into the collar of my overcoat. My hands were in my pockets and I walked very fast. I arrived at a junction and crossed the street. As I arrived at the middle of the street, I saw a white truck that moved in closer with a crinkly(?) form. My eyes became dark while I wanted to move. I spent seconds in darkness. My eyes opened poco and poco(?) and I saw a young man who looked at me with worried eyes. A man was biting his lip. Seconds elapsed slowly. The young man escaped and I couldn’t see him. After that I heard the noise of a car that kept out(?). The sky was closer and I couldn’t feel anything. After a few minutes, I saw some worried eyes that were confused on [looking at?] the top of my head and I heard intricate(?) sound. Between hazy faces, I saw the face of a man who was familiar. His look was different than the others and he gazed into my eyes. I think I’d seen him before. I looked at him carefully; it was Mahmoud with gray eyes.
I felt lightly like someone who took her clothes off. I rose eventually. I heard a voice that said:” He passed away…..the coward guy has escaped….Let’s put him in a car”. I passed across people, I levitated and was rising. It has spent so much time of this adventure. I don’t know how much…… I don’t have any idea of how many days I've been here. A new day started and they called me. It was an autumn morning again. They called me for the first time. I’m sitting on a wall now. The weather is cold. I am rubbing behind my ear. Expectation is too difficult. I've been sitting here for an hour. The cement is ragged and my feet and hands hurt. Finally, one lamp turned on and a door of a house was opened. An old man came to the yard. I stood up on the wall and looked at him. He was familiar. I looked at him carefully, I remembered. It was the young man who had stood above my head and escaped with his car very fast. He was older than before. The hair around his head was white, and he coughed occasionally. He was disturbed like a person who has seen a nightmare dream. I gazed into his eyes.

 

(1) I couldn't guess the meaning of some words:

-Snoring implies being asleep, so the cat couldn't have snored with his eyes open.

-"Crinkly" is usually applied to something like paper or fabric, so it is the wrong word for a truck.

-I have never heard of "poco and poco". It sounds Spanish.

-I don't know what you meant by "the noise of a car that kept out" Kept out is wrong somehow.

-"Intricate sound" is wrong somehow, there was no context to guess its meaning.

-I guessed about "eyes on top of my head", I'm not sure i guessed your meaning correctly.

 

(2) "Nightmare dream" is redundant. It is understood that nightmares are dreams, so just say "nightmare"

 

(3) All Iranians struggle with article usage because you don't have them in Persian. You should work harder on learning their correct usage. Here is a good page to study: https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/540/01/

June 30, 2015
I believe the better way to start - I wish I would never have looked at it or passed by it. I wish I would have come back to the house and slept in the damn bed. But I did look at it and went towards it...
June 30, 2015
I agree with Peg. Correcting an essay of this length takes time and patience.
June 30, 2015
i can't actually because i don't have so much time for correction plz help me
June 30, 2015
Please make your stories shorter, it is too hard to correct such a long paragraph.
June 30, 2015
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