Misa
6/30/2015 The rocking music was playing while the strobe lights of the party were swerving and flashing. The revelers in their swimming suits had a whale of a time. Red, green and purple power was spreading from the stage to enhance the experience of the audience. Suddenly, a fire broke out. At first the revelers thought that the flame was part of the special effects. They quickly realized that it was actually an inferno only after they heard screaming and shouting. The fire was sky-high and spread very quickly, combusting the thick layer of power on the ground and consume the flour that stick on their skin. They started to scramble for lives, but unfortunately most of them were not spared by the raging blaze and admitted to the hospital. The cause of the fire was the colorful power, which used as a special effect in the show, was ignited by a fire and grew into an inferno. It might be caused by either hot weather, burning cigarette butts or the heat from the strobe lights. The investigation is still going on.
Jun 30, 2015 4:51 PM
Corrections · 7

6/30/2015

 

The rocking music was playing while rocking away as the strobe lights of the party were swerving pulsing and throbbingflashing. The Revelers in their swimming suits had a whale of a time at the party. Red, green and purple powder was spreading were spewing from the stage to enhance the experience of the audience.


Suddenly, a fire broke out. At first the revelers thought that the flames was were part of the special effects. They quickly realized that it was actually the real thing and an inferno [can mean literally or figuratively for the fire or for the people] broke out as only after they heard screams and shoutwere heard. The fire was sky-high flames leapt and spread very quickly as they fed on  , combusting the thick layer of fine combustible powder that was on the ground and consume the floor that stick on their skins. They started to scramble for lives, but Everyone scrambled.  A melee ensured. short sentences convey action and excitement unfortunately Most of them were not spared by the raging from the blaze and or the mad rush and had to be admitted to the hospital.

 

The cause of the fire The culprit of the blaze was the colorful powder, which used as a special effect in the show, was ignited by a fire and grew into an inferno. How it was ignited in the first place --It might be caused by either the hot weather?, burning the smouldering cigarette butts? Or the heat from the strobe lights? -- is still being investigated.  . The investigation is still going on.

 

You need more vocabulary and knowing in its precise meaning in order to make a good descriptive essay.  At the same time, when writing such essays, you need to tell an exciting or interesting way to endear your readers to the scene you are trying to bring them into.  I give an A+ for your imaginative skills and effort.

June 30, 2015

6/30/2015

The rocking music was playing while the strobe lights of the party were swerving and flashing. The revelers in their swimming suits had a whale of a time. Red, green and purple power was spreading from the stage to enhance the experience of the audience.
Suddenly, a fire broke out. At first the revelers thought that the flame was part of the special effects. They quickly realized that it was actually an inferno only after they heard screaming and shouting. The fire was sky-high and spread very quickly, combusting the thick layer of power on the ground and consume the flour that stick on their skin. They started to scramble for lives, but unfortunately most of them were not spared by the raging blaze and admitted to the hospital.
The cause of the fire was the colorful power, which used as a special effect in the show, was ignited by a fire and grew into an inferno. It might be caused by either hot weather, burning cigarette butts or the heat from the strobe lights. The investigation is still going on.

 

Do you mean red, green and purple powder?

June 30, 2015
It is a terrible tragedy. There are a lot of seriously injured people and the hospitals are having a difficult time coping. Three patients have died so far and it is expected that another twenty or thirty will eventually succumb to their injuries. The organizers of the event were extremely negligent. It would not have been difficult to predict that this kind of accident might occur.
July 6, 2015
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