Lily
Jurassic world I watched a movie, Jurassic world, with my friend last sunday. It’s a movie in the IMAX about dinosaurs. An island is built as a dinosaur’s park. The people who own that park are blinded by their greed. They can never be satisfied to chase profits, so they continue to change and mix up different DNA to produce new types of dinosaurs to attract more customers. The owners’ behavior and thought are totoally different from their initial purpose for this park. The park is built to educate people about the dinosaurs. The park is built for science, not for money. I think their greed led to an unhappy ending. Greed is the motivation of their dangerous behavior.
Jul 1, 2015 12:48 PM
Corrections · 2
1

Jurassic World (as this is a name of a movie is should have capitals)

I watched a movie, Jurassic World, with my friend last sunday. It’s a movie in the IMAX about dinosaurs. An island is built as a dinosaur’s theme park (with the 's it means the park belongs to the dinosaurs). The people who own that park are blinded by their greed. They can never be satisfied to chase profits with the profits they make, so they continue to change and mix up different DNA to produce new types of dinosaurs to attract more customers. The owners’ (is there more than one owner?) behavior and thoughts are totoally totally different from their initial purpose for this park when they started the park. The park is built to educate people about the dinosaurs. The park is built for science, not for money. I think their greed led to an unhappy ending. Greed is the motivation of their dangerous behavior.

 

Grammar  - corrections to grammar

(notes) - notes on corrections

deletions - these words/letters should be deleted 

additions  - these words/letters should be added in 

style - when a sentence makes sense but the stlye is strange

I hope that has helped you 

July 1, 2015
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