A.Wah
Is grammar right? As the day went on,  It still not change any more,  Somebody is thinking of;  In the silent night,  The stars disappeared in the sky,  Somebody is looking up; want to find some eat,  But the fridge has emptied,  want to buy some back,  But only a few coins rest. As all you known, It still not change any more.
Jul 5, 2015 5:28 PM
Corrections · 1

Because this seems to be a poem,

I may not fully understand what it is meant to say.  

I also don't know whether you are following a specific form or meter.

Here is my attempt at corrections:

 

Is the grammar right?

As the day went on, 
It is still the same, 
Somebody is thinking of me/it(?);  I am not sure what the object of this line is.
In the silent night, 
The stars disappeared in the sky, 
Somebody is looking up;
want to find some food
But the fridge is empty
want to buy some more
But only a few coins remain.
As you all know,
It is still the same.

July 6, 2015
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