Sue
Writing Practice : Children today are too dependent on computers... Many children are into electronic entertainment now days. So hey do not have opportunity to go out or hang around with their friends in outside. Which means, it could lead to increase obesity and health problem as well. Especially, what they are interested in any sports in childhood is important. However children are getting lose the chance of that. Secondly, they are likely to have a problem about communication skills or society activity. They are supposed to spend more time with their friends and family. On the other hand, children can handle the electronic devices form childhood. It would make more comfortable and improve comprehension of gadget. As a result, to be healthier not only physically but social relationship, they need to reduce using on them.
Aug 2, 2015 11:05 AM
Corrections · 3
1

Many children are into electronic entertainment now days. So they do not have the opportunity to go out or hang around out with their friends in outside. 

Which means, it This can could lead to increase obesity and/or other health problems as well. Especially, what they are interested in any sports in childhood is important. It is especially important for children to have an interest in sports. However children are getting losing the chance of that play sports. 

Secondly, they are likely to have a problems about with their communication skills or and (societal activities). They are supposed to spend more time with their friends and family. 

On the other hand, children can who handle the electronic devices from childhood It would make are more comfortable with and have an improved comprehension of gadgets. 

As a result, to be healthier, not only physically but also socially relationship, they children need to reduce their use of electronics. using on them.

 

Notes:

 

1. Children have the “opportunity” to go out, but choose not to, because they would rather play with electronic devices.

 

2. Obesity is a health problem, so you need to write “other”

 

3. "Especially, what that they are interested in any sports in childhood is important".  This sentence would make sense, but it is not as natural as the correction.

 

4. It doesn't really make sense to say you have "Problems with your 'societal activities'".

 

Good work. If you have any questions please let me know. 

August 3, 2015
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