Music is spreading IN THE WORLD. We have so many different types of music thaT most of them are barely known by the majority of PEOPLE. We need music for several different reasons: sharing emotions, communicating feelings, relaxing, keeping our mindS off OF problems, and so on.
While the traditional music of a country is really interesting for historical reasons and IS representative of a culture, international music can connect people from almost EVERY country IN the world.
Indeed, people coming from different cultures would be able to communicate with international music. Almost every man knows some Beatles songs such as ‘Let it be’, ‘Yesterday’, ‘Imagine’, or Bob Dylan’s ‘Blowing in the wind’. These songs talk about hope and peace and they can bring a rEassuring message to people who are suffering because of war. On the other hand, there are a lot of songs regarding violence that ARE CONDUCIVE to bad feelings or actions such as hate and intolerance. Many adolescents HARBOR hate SOWN THROUGH hearing rap music talking about the world'S values crisis.
Regarding the traditional music of a country I suppose it has A mostly good impact on people. It joinS people from the same country and it TEACHES them about THEIR culture.
In conclusion I would say that both these two types of music are equally important, but we have to avoid the risk of being negatively influenced by music (IN GENERAL). THE YOUTH ESPECIALLY should learn about which kindS of lyrics should be ACCEPTED and which must be avoided.
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Your vocab is quite rich, so nice job on that! Don't capitalize general nouns, like People or Rap. My input would be: you spend a lot of time discussing international music's pluses and minuses, but instead should write more on how international music compares to traditional music. The prompt asks you to compare the two rather than explicate on both of them individually.
