JUAN CAMILO
Teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Teenagers need jobs and repsonsabilities, some parents like to spoild their children by buying them everything the want to, xbox, cellphones, video games, even cars. these teenagers grow with a sense of no responsability at all. They have never earned anything by themselves, everything has been given to them, so they can not cope with frusstration and even the slightest difficulties they face in their adult's lives can make them commite suicide or at least fall in depression. some teenagers even make good money by working and they can afford or the things their parents can not afford, so they create a budget which lets them go on vacations abroad or buy the nice stuff they like, besides by having responsabilities they can be aware of the value they bring to sociaty, by helping others and making a good use of their time.
Dec 1, 2015 4:16 PM
Corrections · 2
1

Teenagers have jobs while they are still students.

Teenagers need jobs and repsonsabilities responsibilities. Some parents like to spoild their children by buying them everything the want to, such as an xbox, cellphones, video games, and even cars. These teenagers grow up with a no sense of no responsability at all. They have never earned anything by themselves, and everything has been given to them, so they cannot cope with frusstration and even the slightest difficulties they face in their adult's lives can make them commite suicide or at least fall in depression become depressed. Some teenagers even make good money by working and they can afford or the things their parents cannot afford. So they create a budget which lets them go on vacations abroad or buy the nice stuff they like. besides by In addition to having responsabilities, they can be become aware of the value they bring to sociaty, by helping others and making a good use of their time.

 

Nice job. Careful with run-on sentences such as the last sentence. Do not be afraid to shorten a sentence and use phrases such as: "For example," "In addition to," or "Furthermore"

December 1, 2015
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