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Is this correctly written and does it sound ok?

1. "Confronted him?! Oh, you mean you cornered him when he was probably still too weak to even stand properly, let alone defend himself from you prying little eyes and nosy little questions?!” he hissed, quietly, so that only she and James could hear him.

2. He grabbed Lily’s arm so tight, quite possibly leaving bruises there and yanked her forward until they were practically nose to nose. “Now listen carefully. If you so much as utter a single word about John to anyone, I swear to god that’ll be the last thing you do. If that happens, I am going to end you" he threatened. "I’m going to end you even if that means spending the rest of my life in prison!"

For learning: English
Base language: English
Category: Language

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    "youR prying little eyes" - The only mistake I could find!

    Also, 'quite possibly leaving bruises there' sounds overly formal.

    This is very good. If you wrote this, you sound almost completely fluent. I would only make a few minor changes.

    1. "Confronted him?! Oh, you mean you cornered him when he was probably still too weak to even stand properly, let alone defend himself from you prying little eyes and nosy little questions?!” he hissed, quietly, so that only she and James could hear him.

    It should be "YOUR prying little eyes," rather than "YOU prying little eyes." Also, the comma between "hissed" and "quietly" is unnecessary.


    2. He grabbed Lily’s arm so tight, quite possibly leaving bruises there and yanked her forward until they were practically nose to nose. “Now listen carefully. If you so much as utter a single word about John to anyone, I swear to god that’ll be the last thing you do. If that happens, I am going to end you" he threatened. "I’m going to end you even if that means spending the rest of my life in prison!"

    I would write the first sentence as "He grabbed Lily's arm tightly, quite possibly leaving bruises, and yanked her forward until they were practically nose to nose."

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