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I need help with the correction of the paragraph below.

How will this program enhance your employment opportunities in your country of residence/citizenship?

Obviously having a Master degree can strengthen my knowledge and by a precious degree from a Canadian university, I even can be hopeful to find a better academic position in a better college or university for my research in my country or other countries.
Moreover, being a successful researcher has always been one of my goals and I think studying under supervision of a knowledgeable professor can lead me to be an outstanding researcher in the future.

For learning: English
Base language: English
Category: Language

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    Best Answer - Chosen by Voting
    As another member suggested, it might be helpful to post this in the "Notebook" forum.

    I did, however, immediately notice two things that I wanted to bring to your attention:

    1. Starting off with "obviously" could seem rude to the person who is reading your reply. Some people might interpret it as meaning: Why did you ask such a stupid question? I know that you do NOT wish to give this idea, but that is how some native speakers might feel. Don't use the word "obviously."

    2. Also, I would not use "precious degree."

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