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whould you please tell me this text is correct or not?did i use ponctuation mark in a correct way?

亲爱的妈妈 ,今天下午,我在做饭的时候,我的同屋生病了,所以我不得不把他送到了医院,我应该在医院住了一夜,不幸的是,我们不能吃饭在家里,不过我朋友一出院我就邀请您。

For learning: Chinese (Mandarin)
Base language: Chinese (Mandarin)
Category: Language

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    From your text I think you‘d better say like this:
    亲爱的妈妈
    今天下午我在做饭时发现我室友生病了,所以我不得不把他送到了医院。我可能需要在医院陪他(她)过夜了,所以很抱歉不能跟您在家里吃饭了。等朋友出院了再邀请您(来我家吃饭)。
    我在做饭的时候,我的同屋生病了I think your roomate have been ill before you cook a meal and you just find out it when you was cooking——>我在做饭时发现我室友生病了=I found that my roommate was ill when I was cooking
    我应该在医院住了一夜=I have spent one night in hospital——>我可能需要在医院陪他(她)过夜了= I may need to spend the night with him(her) in the hospital.
    不幸的是,我们不能吃饭在家里=Unfortunately,we can't
    have dinner together at home
    I think you'd better say"所以很抱歉不能跟/和您在家里吃饭了"=so I'm sorry that we can't have dinner together at home
    不过我朋友一出院我就邀请您=but I'll invite you to my house (to have a dinner) as soon as my roomate left hospital.” I think you'd better say :"等朋友出院了再邀请您(来我家吃饭)。"
    =I'll invite you( to my house to have a dinner) after my roomate left hospital

     

    亲爱的妈妈 ,今天下午,我在做饭的时候,我的同屋生病了,所以我不得不把他送到了医院,我应该在医院住了一夜,不幸的是,我们不能吃饭在家里,不过我朋友一出院我就邀请您。

    亲爱的妈妈 ,今天下午我在做饭的时候,我的同屋生病了,所以我不得不把他送到了医院。我在医院住了一夜,所以我们不能在家里吃饭,不过我朋友一出院我就会邀请您吃饭。

    “我们不能吃饭在家里”这句话应该把“在家里”放在“吃饭”的前面。 你的“ ponctuation mark” 标点符号我给你修改了一下,你看看!

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