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what does "could still design when I'm on it"mean?

“I wish I’d thought of calling in a private detective. It never occurred to me. I’m glad someone’s done it. I just cannot believe she committed suicide. My therapist says that’s denial. I’m having therapy twice a week, not that it makes any fucking difference. I’d be snaffling Valium like Lady Bristow if I could still design when I’m on it, but I tried it the week after Cuckoo died and I was like a zombie. I suppose it got me through the funeral.”

For learning: English
Base language: English
Category: Language

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    If I could still do my designing when I have taken the drug Valium.

    Apparently, the drug affected the speaker so much that he/she could not perform their job - designing in this case.

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