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What's the meaning of the following sentence?

I was reading a book and I found the following sentence:

"Und dann schlafe ich mit dem verrückten Gefühl ein, anders sein zu wollen als zu sein oder anders zu sein als zu wollen oder vielleicht auch anders zu tun als zu wollen oder zu sein.

The vocabulary is simple, but the phrase itself is very confusing. I ask an explanation. Danke in voraus.

For learning: German
Base language: English
Category: Other



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