Giulia
English native speaker, can you correct this biography? Cora has a huge love for fashion and music; she think that those are the best ways to express herself. She owns a new fashion brand, that she will release in the close future, which sells apparel, shoes and watches for an high and casual total look. Cora owns also a new blog|headline named INNFASH.com which publish news about Fashion and Showbiz. Another big passion for Cora is music. She started playing Piano since she was 11 years old and at the age of 18 she attended, for 1 year, to some singing lessons. This enormous passion allowed her to upload every week, on her Youtube Channel – youtube.com/coramelis – a video where she shows her acoustic versions of a lot of famous songs. Cora loves also songs accompanied with guitar and voice in fact she has a professional guitarist which follow her everywhere. Cora travel also a lot, she loves travel all around the world in place like London, Paris, New York, Milan, Rome, Los Angeles, Houston and Tokyo.
Oct 24, 2014 3:46 PM
Answers · 5
1
Some members were saying that for this kind of editing job one should perhaps be paid a fee. What do you think? Please see http://www.italki.com/question/268051 I had better add that I am not interested in this job.
October 24, 2014
1
You should put this in the notebook section if you're looking for corrections.
October 24, 2014
I think Ben is overstating it, but it is very difficult to advise without knowing much more about the context. It sounds as if this is a part of an application for something important. The paragraphs cover subjects from hobbies to serious business activities and the piece is strangely disjointed. The structure needs improving as well as the phrasing which is indeed ungrammatical in places.
October 24, 2014
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