Gil-seop
Is this stylistically problematic? Please read this: "Inside Out shows us Riley's many memories. She has so many happy memories, but also sad memories. Nevertheless, her sad memories are also truly wonderful. This is because she always had the wind beneath her wings: her parents, who dearly love her. Although this animation focuses on Riley and her emotions' journey, the main theme of this animation seems to be "family." This animation is a good family movie." Is it bad to choose "This animation" as the subject of the last sentence because the sentence before the last sentence has two of "this animation"? I'd like to choose "Inside Out," the movie's name, or "It." But the first sentence already has "Inside Out" as its subject. And many singular nouns were mentioned before the last sentence. Since the complement of the last sentence is "a movie," can I replace "This animation" with "It" or "Inside Out"? It's really tricky to use nouns and pronouns both clearly and naturally.. Thank you in advance!
Jul 29, 2015 8:16 PM
Answers · 11
3
Using "animation" three times in such a short space sounds repetitious. One strategy to avoid this is to employ different terms. For instance, I would probably not use "animation" twice in a row in the penultimate sentence. If you want to use "this animation" first, then instead of repeating it, you can consider using something else, such as "the movie" or "the film." (Since you use "movie" in the next sentence, I would probably go with "film.") You could also say "it's main theme," but I don't like that as much, since it does not match the style of the rest of your piece. Then, I do not see a problem with using the 'Inside Out' again in the last sentence. Many times a review will state the name of the film both at the beginning and at the end. It reminds the reader of the name. Can I make another suggestion? Well, I will, whether it is asked for or not :) There is one verb tense that bothers me here. This is "This is because she always HAD the wind beneath her wings: her parents, who dearly love her." First, there is nothing grammatically wrong with this tense. However: since all of your other verbs are in the present tense, it seems a bit "jarring" to find a past tense verb in the middle of them all. The present perfect works here, and it is also a present tense, so this is my suggestion for you. Now everything is in a present tense, and the reader is not suddenly put into the past in the middle of the paragraph, only to be brought back to the present in the remaining sentences.
July 29, 2015
3
As a general note, if you have already established the subject and you are adding a followup sentence, you don't need to repeat the subject. For example, when you are talking about a person and have already established their name, each additional sentence can simply use he/she (or 'it' for objects). In a more poetic sense, you could simply use a different name for the same thing if you are attempting to expand on the descriptive words used: "A heart-warming movie for the whole family." If you used 'animation' in the previous sentence. Either way, you shouldn't really use the same word in following sentences.
July 29, 2015
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