To expand on my quick intro, I just want to add that I can be a little bi-polar sometimes and will fall into an abyss of depression in which I don't want to do anything anymore - not because I feel like I can't do it, but rather because I just question if I truly even want to do it, or if I'm just forcing myself to supposedly want to do it, seeing as how the only other option is death, but the pain that comes with suicide seems unbearable, no matter how one would go about doing it. Therefore, I know that I HAVE to want something that is NOT death. I want the eternal unconsciousness that comes after death, but the price of pain that comes with ending one's own life is just not worth it. Maybe I'll get lucky and die of old age painlessly. Maybe not. Either way, I simply MUST be optimistic if I want ANY chance of arriving at that state painlessly. I can't live just to avoid pain and lack of comfort. That is not a sufficient enough motivator. I must want SOMETHING. And you know what? I choose that certain something to be the most difficult-to-obtain German language certificate known to mankind. Why? Because I know it will take a life time to get, but when I finally do get it, I just know that immense feeling of achievement is perhaps something worth living for, after all. And maybe...just maybe...the journey along the way won't be so bad, either ^_^
