I try my best to give you some advice .
人类在生活中都想发挥重要作用。人类 change to 人们
很多人集中精力来得到稳定工作。add “通过“, better expression 很多人“通过“集中精力来得到稳定工作。we used to this collocation, 通过...达到某个效果,比如,通过努力工作实现梦想,通过加班最终完成任务。
"保重" should change to “保证“,we usually use "保重 " when someone will go to a distance place for long time , just like say goodbye ; otherwise , "保证" means ensure, it has possibility of realization.
"如何妨碍大部分人" , I don't understand this sentence well , I can only tell you , " 妨碍" is a bad meanging words in Chinese , it means hinder ,hamper, prevent ...比如,你妨碍我工作了
“不但责任的高业务”, this sentence lacks verbs, we usually use 承担 or 肩负 责任
“给其他的公员表示功能,服从上人的话“ i guess you want to say 给其他的员工做好榜样,服从上级领导,but I'm not sure .
"虽然他干活干得特责任,经历还是不一定满意", 责任 should correct to “认真 or 尽心“, “经历“ should “经理“,just a typo.
“出差的时候发现了他也不能这样继续就自愿辞职了“,Correct expression 出差的时候发现了他 “再 “也不能这样继续“下去”,就“主动“辞职了。
Due to limited time,that's my opinions ,I'm rookie , it's my first time to modify article, there are deficiencies .I'm gald to talk to each other.