Hi Everyone!
I'm Claudia and I have to send an application for an internship.
I ask for your help to correct the grammar and also if you have some suggestion about the Motivational Letter's style.
I have to divide the letter in 2 parts, this is part 1.
Thank you in advance.

Dear Hiring Manager,
I am writing to express my deep motivation and enthusiasm for the opportunity to join the Directorate-General for External Policies of the Union. With a solid background in International Cooperation and Development, and a rich history of volunteer experiences, I am enthusiastic about the prospect of contributing to the EU's vital work in shaping global affairs.
I believe that this internship presents a remarkable opportunity to develop and strengthen skills, such as data monitoring and analysis, and to conduct impactful research in essential areas including human rights, international trade, foreign policy, and development. These responsibilities align perfectly with my academic background and aspirations, making me a strong candidate for this position.
As a dedicated student of International Cooperation and Development, I have cultivated a passion for understanding the intricate dynamics of international relations and global challenges. My academic journey has equipped me with a strong foundation in research, critical analysis, and policy evaluation, which I am eager to apply to real-world scenarios within the Directorate-General for External Policies.
(1/2)

Question

Hi Everyone! 
I'm Claudia and I have to send an application for an internship.
I ask for your help to correct the grammar and also if you have some suggestion about the Motivational Letter's style.
I have to divide the letter in 2 parts, this is part 1.
Thank you in advance.

Dear Hiring Manager,
I am writing to express my deep motivation and enthusiasm for the opportunity to join the Directorate-General for External Policies of the Union. With a solid background in International Cooperation and Development, and a rich history of volunteer experiences, I am enthusiastic about the prospect of contributing to the EU's vital work in shaping global affairs.
I believe that this internship presents a remarkable opportunity to develop and strengthen skills, such as data monitoring and analysis, and to conduct impactful research in essential areas including human rights, international trade, foreign policy, and development. These responsibilities align perfectly with my academic background and aspirations, making me a strong candidate for this position.
As a dedicated student of International Cooperation and Development, I have cultivated a passion for understanding the intricate dynamics of international relations and global challenges. My academic journey has equipped me with a strong foundation in research, critical analysis, and policy evaluation, which I am eager to apply to real-world scenarios within the Directorate-General for External Policies.
(1/2)

Answer

Your letter states things outright that you should allow the employer to conclude on his own. For example, you want the employer to say "this person has motivation and enthusiasm", but you shouldn't say so yourself. It sounds aggressive and lacking in humility. Rather, you want the employer to conclude, based on what you write, that you have motivation and enthusiasm.

Start out in a humble tone. So, for example, you could say "Please accept this letter as my request to be considered for.... I would be thrilled to apply my skills and experience to this position, were you to grant me such an opportunity.

Then go on to describe the many reasons why you would be thrilled to do this. Also say why you think the employer would find those skills and experiences to be helpful, from their point of view rather than your own.

At the end, express gratitude for their consideration of your request.