Sahi ho Rosemary! You are writing quite well. Keep up the good work. Until Sumesh arrives, I will try and correct it.

उपहार

हिजो हामीले एऔत (एउटा)  उपहार प्राप्त गर्यौ ।, एऔत (एउटा or tyo) उपहार नेपाल्बाट थियो, हाम्रो काठमाडौंबाट साथी(ले)हामीलाई यक (एक) चीज पठाउनुभएको थियो (1)। हिजो बेलुका मेरो श्रीमान्ले र मैले यो चीज खायौ (ँ), धेरै मिठो थियो । अनि हामी आजा (आज)र भोली यो चीज पनि (फेरि ) खान सक्छौ । राम्रो छ!

Comments:

1) I think a better way to word this would be: " haamro Kathmandumaa basne saathile haamilaai tyo chaahi paThaaunu bhaeko thiyo. 

- I understand in English that we would say "our friend from Kathmandu" and hence "kathmandubaaTa saathi", but I think in Nepali it is more appropriate to word it " our friend, who lives in Kathmandu" (haamro Kathmandumaa basne saathile) 

Sumesh will let you know if I am mistaken.

Ekdam raamro Rosemary!

उपहार

हिजो हामीले एउटा उपहार प्राप्त गर्यौ । त्यो उपहार नेपालबाट थियो । हाम्रो काठमाडौंमा बस्ने साथीले हामीलाई याकको चीज पठाउनुभएको थियो । हिजो बेलुका मेरो श्रीमानले र मैले त्यो चीज खाँयौ । त्यो धेरै मिठो थियो । अनि हामी आज र भोली पनि त्यो चीज (फेरि) खानसक्छौ ।

राम्रो छ! >> This is somewhat vague. May be you wanted to say. Setence like following would be better. 

अहिले रमाइलो छ ।
चीज पठाउने साथी कस्तो राम्रो ।
जीवन रमाइलो छ ।