Generally speaking, your Chinese is good, even not being altered , will not be possible to exert misunderstanding.
However, as native chinese speaker, I would make somewhat change about some Chinese characters due to more fluent mood.
整体来说,你的中文还是不错的,即使不加改动也不会产生误解,不过,作为母语的我,为了更流畅的语气,会对一些汉字做一些改动。