Every course teaches you what to say. Almost none teaches you what not to. A single wrong sentence can undo a hundred right ones, so this class is organised by how much damage each thing does. THE WORDS This class does not teach obscenities, and the reason is not squeamishness. Swearing is the most register-sensitive thing in any language — it depends on who is present, the relationship, gender, age, setting and exact intonation, and native speakers calibrate it unconsciously from childhood. And there is an asymmetry: when a Malayali swears in English it is heard as mild, because a foreign language carries no weight. When a foreigner swears in Malayalam it is heard as much stronger than intended, because it sounds deliberate. You get no discount. Recognise them; do not use them. THE SAFE REGISTER FOR FRUSTRATION അയ്യോ all-purpose distress · എന്റമ്മോ oh my mother — astonishment കഷ്ടം what a pity, what a shame — genuinely useful · മോശം bad, poor, shameful എന്ത് ചെയ്യാം what can be done — the resigned shrug ശരിയാകില്ല this won't work · അതൊന്നും ശരിയല്ല that is not right at all Those carry any frustration you need to express in public at no risk. TWO WORDS TO BE CAREFUL WITH പോടാ and പോടീ get lost, to a man and to a woman. Between close friends, affectionate. To anybody else, a real insult. Wait until it is said to you first, and even then be careful. മണ്ടൻ fool — teasing between friends, insulting otherwise. THE SENSITIVE SUBJECTS Caste: do not ask, do not deduce it from a name, do not comment. Kerala's reform movements deliberately dropped caste-marking names and the public culture treats caste as something to be dismantled, not discussed as an interesting feature. Anthropological curiosity from an outsider ends relationships rather than deepening them. Religion: asking about a festival, a food, a custom, a word's origin is welcome. Comparing religions, evaluating them, or asking somebody to account for their co-religionists is not. And do not proselytise, ever, for anything — including atheism. Politics: ask, do not assert; do not pick a side; do not import a foreign summary. A Malayali's politics is often family politics going back three generations. Malayalis criticise Kerala ferociously among themselves and will close ranks instantly if an outsider joins in. THE QUESTIONS YOU SHOULD NOT ASK, EVEN THOUGH YOU WILL BE ASKED THEM Salary. The cost of a house. How much gold was given at a wedding. Why somebody is not married. Why a couple has no children. Somebody's weight, complexion or appearance. The rule is simple and universal: the questions insiders ask each other are not licensed for outsiders. That is why reciprocity is the wrong model for etiquette. Quizzes below. Dr. Reshmi R Nair — SpeakMalayalam.