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Tsukino
For the first time I wrote a poem in English.
This is what I’ve wanted to try :)
Elephant
Your kindness always seems so gray,
It leads me to the cave,
Where I’ve buried my past.
Still, I hope we might somehow last.
Through the crystal cage,
I see elephants walking in the shade.
Their eyes always make me feel shame,
No words, like the waves of the night,
I feel so blamed by the world,
How should I touch, how should I swallow your words?
Through the crystal cage,
I see elephants walking in the shade.
A quiet glance, judging every moment,
As I try to interpret this indescribable torment.
2025年1月19日 00:53
コメント · 5
1
Very deep, and expressive.
2025年1月19日 08:20
1
This is a very powerful and thought-provoking poem. I love the way you've used "elephants" as a symbol—they seem to represent heavy, almost overwhelming emotions like shame, judgment, and the weight of the past. The imagery of the "crystal cage" is particularly striking, conveying a sense of both entrapment and fragile separation from the outside world. The repetition of "Through the crystal cage, I see elephants walking in the shade" creates a haunting rhythm that mirrors the sense of being trapped in these feelings.
Your use of "blamed by the world" and "judging every moment" really conveys internal conflict, while the phrase "How should I touch, how should I swallow your words?" speaks to the difficulty in responding to or even processing the kindness you mention at the start.
If you're open to suggestions, I might recommend exploring the contrast between the "gray kindness" and the emotions of shame and torment in a bit more depth—maybe drawing out how those contrasts interact throughout the poem. That could add a layer of complexity, but your poem is already deeply evocative and moving.
2025年1月19日 22:36
Tsukino
語学スキル
英語, 日本語, ラテン語, ロシア語
言語学習
英語, ラテン語, ロシア語
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