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Help my Poems...Bitte

I've been writing some poems and would like  an opinion on them. I have a feeling some of the rhymes aren't right and the words don't make sense. Please help. You can also tell me your favorite poem.

 

The Forgotten

I'm forgotten on your shelf

Collecting dust your perfect doll.

I'm not myself

in your presence. I won't fall.

My painted smile

Won't ever slip

Until you've left the aisle.

I'm wishing for a ship-

Forgotten passengers only-

To take us lands away.

You won't notice our absence for only

FOREVER...if you'de ever say

I love you!

Why is your back facing me?

This knowledge is not new,

But you'll never see

Because you've forgotten us.

We're never in your mind

Except with boastfull fuss.

We're crossing tonight the line.

Goodby...from your forgotton.

 

 

コメント · 2

0

Yes, I wrote it without any help.

0

WOW I LOVE THAT DID YOU COME UP WITH IT YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????????????????

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