1: 'Aitch' or 'Haitch'? 'Aitch' is the standard, 'correct' way to refer to 'H', but in fact millions of native speakers call this letter 'haitch'. By the way, this has nothing to do with accents (Cockney or otherwise). 'Haitch' is not a mispronunciation of 'aitch': it is a separate, non-standard variant. You'll come across this variant in speakers of all accents, including some RP speakers who would never dream of dropping an initial stressed 'h' or putting one where it doesn't belong. It's not mainstream, but learners do need to be aware of it, particularly in Britain and Ireland.
Interestingly, aitch/haitch can serve as a religious shibboleth: in parts of the UK with large communities of Roman Catholics of Irish heritage such as Liverpool and Glasgow, you'll apparently find that Catholics say 'haitch' while Protestants are more likely to say 'aitch'.
2: The only words where the initial 'h' is always silent are 'hour' and 'honour', and related words (hourly, honesty and so on). That's just one very simple rule which you need to remember. Not too difficult, surely?
[Minor points: 'Hotel' and 'historic' (and related words) used to have a silent 'h', but this is very outdated. You'll occasionally come across phrases such as 'an historic moment', but that's very rare nowadays. Don't worry about it. 'Herb' pronounced 'erb' is a feature of only AmE - both pronunciations are correct].
3. What happens in natural speech - elision - is a different issue entirely. As Phil says: "<em>the H sound is usually dropped by all</em><em> </em><em>speakers except if it is immediately before a stressed vowel or at the beginning of a phrase</em>". We do indeed say 'tell'er' rather than 'tell her' and 'we'd'uv come' rather than 'we'd have come'. This is perfectly normal. Our speech would sound very strange and unnatural if we pronounced every 'h', just as it would sound unnatural if we pronounced every syllable with equal stress.