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Should young people who commit crimes be treated in the same way as adults? Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults by authorities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Some people hold that the young criminals should be treated equally as the adult ones. However, there are others who feel that the differential treatment is necessary. Personally, I completely disagree with the former idea. There is no doubt that teenage offenders are generally immature, either mentally or physically. This makes them more impetuous and easy-influenced. For example, we cannot simply blame all sins to a young boy who breaks into a shop and steals something. Young people are easier to be instigated if they haven’t received proper education. This difference in criminal decision-making should be considered into final punishments they should take. Besides, some sorts of punishments are definitely beyond what teenagers can deal with. For example, heavy fines are unaffordable for those without jobs and corporal punishments are unbearable for teens who are generally not fully grown up. In these situations, the pursuit of equal treatment of punishment is seemingly inhumane. Moreover, the purpose of setting a punishment is not simply to “punish”. A good punishment can also act as a way of education and discipline. For the younger generation, proper guidance is much more important as they can be guided back on the right track and even in return apply themselves for the community. To conclude, I completely disagree with the assimilation of treatments between young and adult criminals. In light of the immaturity of teenagers, they should be treated in a more educated way rather than harsh punishment, and the persistent pursuit of equal punishments has deviated from its original purpose.
2020年4月14日 17:52
訂正 · 2
Yes Juliana you are right, this is an IELTS essay that I wrote haha. As far as your first 2 advice I feel you are right;) so thank you very much for them. And the last sentence that I wrote is meant to refer to the second body paragraph, “ Moreover, the purpose of setting a punishment is not simply to “punish”. A good punishment can also act as a way of education and discipline.” Maybe I didn’t make it clear enough but after all thank you again :)) these real helps !
2020年4月14日
This looks like an IELTS essay! Am I right? Quick suggestion: I would have used "they can be guided back TO the right track" I would also maybe change "in a more educated way" to "educative" or "educational" I also feel that the last sentence "and the persistent pursuit of equal punishments has deviated from its original purpose." does not fit in the rest of the paragraph. What do you think? Great text by the way!
2020年4月14日
もっと早く上達したいですか?
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