better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree(2) （continue...) Last but not least, the countryside give people less pressure, to parents and to the ch

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Erato

better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree(2) （continue...) Last but not least, the countryside give people less pressure, to parents and to the children, and it enable children to grow up freely and naturally. In the big city, the parents are always facing with many kinds of pressure, the work pressure and the high cost of living. They may feel anxious and easily transmit their anxious to their children. Under such a pressure, children can hardly be cultured with temper manner. As a research indicated, the rate of pyscological disease of children in the big city is higher than in the countryside. Admittedly, the big city have their relatively advantages such as more convenient shopping and more fluxury material, but for children’s grow up, countryside will be more suitable as it owns spacious exercise yards; more simple, honest and intimate interpersonal relationship; and less pressure to grow up. In summary, I agree with the speaker’s assertion: it is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Children will be very luck if they could spend a happy and freely childhood in the countryside.

2010年8月16日 16:25

訂正 · 5

I am unfamilar with the TOEFL. I am not sure what they look for in an essay. I think the idea of the essay is good. It needs some polishing (which the editting by others will help), but the concept is a good one.

2010年8月20日

better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree(2)

（continue...)
Last but not least, the countryside gives <strike>people</strike> both parents and children less pressure<strike>, to parents and to the children,</strike> and it enables children to grow up freely and naturally. In the big city, <strike>the </strike>parents are always faced with many kinds of pressure, <strike>the</strike> icluding pressures from work <strike>pressure</strike> and the high cost of living. They may feel anxious and easily <strike>transmit</strike> channel their anxiety to their children. Under such<strike> a </strike>pressure, children can hardly be <strike>cultured</strike> brought up with temper manner (are you wanting to say their manner is angry or mild? If angry, maybe say "brought up with a temper". If mild, maybe say "brought up with a temperate manner".). As <strike>a </strike>research has indicated, the rate of pyscological disease of children in the big city is higher than in the countryside. (If this is an essay to convince and compel others to move to the countryside, then you should state what research or organization stated so, that way the reader can verify the facts.)

Admittedly, the big city does have <strike>their relatively</strike> it's advantages, such as more convenient shopping and more <strike>fluxury</strike> luxury materials. However, for children who are growing up <strike>but for children’s grow up</strike>, the countryside will be more suitable. <strike>as </strike>It owns spacious exercise yards, more simple, honest and intimate interpersonal relationship, and less pressure to grow up. (These last sentences would be better suited as a summary since all those points have already been made. I would place them after you assertion in the summary and omit the word "however".)

In summary, I agree with the speaker’s assertion: it is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Children will be very luck if they could spend a happy and free<strike>ly</strike> childhood in the countryside.

2010年8月20日

I pay attention to that "A" at your right corner~~~is that means a A score of this essay???haha~

2010年8月19日

I totally agree Carrie, we moved to the country so our kids could grow up climbing trees and running wild in the fields with all the sheep :) They were much happier that way. A.

2010年8月17日

Last but not least, the countryside give people less pressure, to parents and to the children, and it enable children to grow up freely and naturally. In the big city, the parents are always facing with many kinds of pressure, the work pressure and the high cost of living. They may feel anxious and easily transmit their anxiousness to their children. Under such a pressure, children can hardly be cultured with temper manner. As a research indicated, the rate of psychological disease of children in the big city is higher than in the countryside.

Admittedly, the big city have their relatively advantages such as more convenient shopping and more luxury material, but for children’s grow up, countryside will be more suitable as it owns spacious exercise yards; more simple, honest and intimate interpersonal relationship; and less pressure to grow up.

In summary, I agree with the speaker’s assertion: it is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Children will be very lucky if they could spend a happy and freely childhood in the countryside.