Elisa
Fears The woman looked up at the top of the mountain, on the summit a cross silhouetted against the cobalt blue sky, some clouds enlivened the immensity while a light breeze flaked them into soft rivulets. The woman stared at her feet and felt the viaduct concrete and solid under them and then shifted her gaze to the jump, the void, the end. A breath, two breaths and then there would be the liberating scream when a hand touched her, "Mommy, Mommy I'm scared," The woman turned attention to her daugher, a mixture of panic and anguish passed across her face, she reached out to touch the little fingers and gazed at her husband, then the child was removed, now it was her turn, the sling was ready and she was prepared for the jump. Launching she thought: elastic is fantastic!
2013年7月9日 18:02
訂正 · 10

The Fear

 

The woman looked up at the top of the mountain. on the summit There, a cross silhouetted against the cobalt blue sky;  some clouds enlivened bringing out the immensity of the sky as while a the light breeze flaked sliced/carved them into soft rivulets.


The woman stared at her feet and felt the viaduct concrete and solid under them her.  and then She shifted her gaze towards the jump and to the void, the end below. A One breath; two another one breaths two and then there would be the before an an exhilarating liberating scream to/would be liberated. when Then a hand touched her,

 

"Mommy, Mommy I'm scared,"

 

The woman turned attention around to look at to her daugher. There was a mixture of panic and anguish passed fleeting across her face. She reached out to touch the little fingers and gazed at her husband.  then The child was removed, then taken away.  Now it was her turn and the sling was ready. and She was prepared for the jump. Upon launching, she thought: elastic is fantastic!

 

Great story.

2013年7月9日

Fears

The woman looked up at the top of the mountain, on the summit a cross was silhouetted against the cobalt blue sky, and some clouds enlivened the immensity while a light breeze flaked them into soft rivulets.
The woman stared at her feet and felt the solid viaduct concrete under them and then shifted her gaze to the jump, the void, the end. A breath, two breaths and then there would be the liberating scream when a hand touched her, "Mommy, Mommy I'm scared," The woman turned her attention to her daughter, a mixture of panic and anguish passing across her face. She reached out to touch the little fingers and gazed at her husband. Then the child was removed - now it was her turn. The sling was ready and she was prepared for the jump.
Launching she thought: elastic is fantastic!

 

<em>[Very good.  Forming sentences can be a very subtle art and you are quite advanced.  Still, I felt a few changes were called for.  BTW, if that's you jumping, I salute you.  I don't think I could ever do that.]</em>

2013年7月9日
What a nice story, Elisa. The description of the place is so vivid that it makes me feel like doing a bungee jump.
2014年7月2日
Sarah, thank you :)
2013年7月10日
Arwa, it is only fiction )))
2013年7月10日
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