Please help me to correct this essay for IELTS task 2 Topic: Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place t

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Trong Nguyen

Please help me to correct this essay for IELTS task 2 Topic: Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Answer: Both parents and society expect each child getting good education to be a good person to contribute to the development of society in particular and the world in general. But how to lead them go to the right way? That is the question needed to be answered. Some people think that the children should be educated by their parents but others believe that formal education as school is the place to do it. There is no right or wrong answer here but we should consider to each measure. There is no doubt that parents are the most affected factor to create children' behavior. Therefore, easy to understand how important of family educating is. Parents should teach children how to behave with other members of whole family and get on well with every people. Besides, children discover new things through capturing adults' actions, that is why parents have to be a nice mirror for their children following. The others, however, trust in the education in school better to learn to become the well behaved members of society. In formal training, children will be trained both widely knowledge and skills which is needed for their life. There are not only learning from what teachers give but also from other student and they can find their own way to adapt into small model of society. Personally, I strong believe that the combination between education by parents and in school could be the best way to bring children being an effective person for society. In fact, without one, children of course leading to the wrong direction and becoming a bad one. For example, even in class, children are told to take care of the elders, they may not consider providing that they see their parents do pay enough respect and care for grandparents. So that, children are needed to teach both in family and at school. Thanks so much!

2013年11月15日 08:57

訂正 · 2

Please help me to correct this essay for IELTS task 2

Topic: Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Answer:
Both parents and society expect each child getting good education to be a good person to contribute to the development of society in particular and the world in general (Do you think that society and World are quite similar?!). But how to lead them go to the right way? That is the question which needed to be answered. Some people think that the children should be educated by their parents but others believe that formal education as schools is the place to do it. There is no right or wrong answer here but we should consider to each measure.
There is no doubt that parents are the most affected factor to create children' behavior. Therefore, it's easy to understand how important of family educating is. Parents should teach children how to behave with other members of whole family family members and get on well with every people everyone. Besides, children discover new things through capturing adults' actions, that is why parents have to be a nice mirror for their children following.
The others, however, trust in the education in school better to learn to become the well-behaved members of society. In formal training, children will be trained both widely knowledge and skills which is needed for their life. There are not only learning from what teachers give but also from other students and they can find their own way to adapt into small model of society.
Personally, I strong believe that the combination between education by parents and in school could be the best way to bring children being an effective person for society. In fact, without one, children of course leading to the wrong direction and becoming a bad one (NO VERB) . For example, even in class, children are told to take care of the elders, they may not consider providing that they see their parents do pay enough respect and care for grandparents. So that, children are needed to teach both in family and at school.

Thanks so much!

2013年11月17日

I think you should recheck your expression because of some confusing sentences. Furthermore, use conjunctions to make your writing more fluent and natural.

2013年11月17日

もっと早く上達したいですか？

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